Not a woman of this world, she has wandered alone for a hundred years. Her cold heart seeks warmth, yet flees from it; her lonely soul waits for comfort, yet resists it. She is the most heartless of all who love, and the most loving of all who are heartless.
I was unable to provide help in times of need some time ago, but today I am here to do a great job for the author! You have to work hard to update, and don't give up no matter what, come on, come on!!
Got lost
give up
The weapon is similar to Little Dragon Girl, but there is less of a golden ball at the top.
Khan I don't like the alternating narration between first person and third person><
Suddenly I remembered the horse problem
If a horse has a saddle, everyone can tell that it has an owner.
A horse without a saddle cannot be ridden
The End of the World, the End of the World, and the End of the World, for a lifetime^^
I'm starting to show some of my passing feelings.
A brief discussion of "Passenger" Author: Bai Yi
Nice review, very objective, a little bit trivial, no finer points.
The writing is pretty good, but the title seems too common.
Anyway, as a newbie, I encourage you!
I read the original poster's article and said a little bit about it.
The author actually wrote well. However, there are a few points that may need to be noted.
1. Description of characters
The characters on the scene lack necessary portraits and expression descriptions. Because the author is writing in the first person, if you want to show the personalities of other characters in the article besides the protagonist, you need to spend more time on expressions. And if a new character appears without some description of his appearance, then this character will have no sense of existence in the eyes of the readers. This is okay once or twice, but after reading the article written by the original poster, I found that the original poster does not seem to have a portrait description of the characters in the article? I don't know if the poster didn't notice or is not very good at describing portraits… The appearance of 'my' in the article was all borrowed from other people's mouths. But beauty and refinement are just broad concepts. The best thing is to describe the appearance appropriately (of course, it may be that the poster described it, but I didn't read it carefully... If so, I would like to apologize first...)
2. The plot in the text
The plot in the article is very incoherent in places. For example, the part where 'I' arrived at Yaowang Castle. The poster didn't give any clues. Earlier, I was still at home, but after a segmentation mark, I appeared in front of the Yaowang Castle... This... Is too much of a jump, right? Of course, maybe this is a foreshadowing laid by the original poster, but when I first saw it, it really felt strange.
3. Regarding logic issues
Logic question...
The first one was when Bai Su and his uncle threatened the heroine. The heroine is understandably angry. It's normal to start doing it. But why did he knock down people and seriously injure them, kill a bunch of people, and then suddenly stop? If you didn't want to kill people casually, then why did you kill those soldiers? Is it because the lives of soldiers are not as noble as that of Bai Su and his uncle, so they can die, but Bai Su and his uncle cannot die? Moreover, the poster also wrote in the article that they had already been seriously injured. Since the hatred has been forged, why bother to let them go again?
The second one is also in the Yaowang Castle... I don't understand why the heroine wants to be a maid. As mentioned in the previous article, Tianyahai Pavilion is very famous. If the heroine goes anywhere with her original identity, she will definitely be able to achieve her goal (the heroine herself also said it in the article), but she turned into a maid, and the transformation was not complete...
[Now I hear this name again. I couldn't help but take a closer look at the woman in front of me, and recalled her actions along the way. Sure enough, although she lowered her head from the beginning and pretended to be humble, there was no trace of humility in her bones. After she was washed, she became pure and refined]
By the way... That imperial list should still be useful, right? The name is wrong, the appearance remains the same...
MS writes a bit more... But apart from the above problems, overall, the poster's writing is still very good. I also noticed the description of the environment, laugh~ As long as the original poster persists, more and more people will watch it!
One final comment... The last chapter of the original poster uses the first-person perspective of the water castle owner... By the way, I'm a little surprised by this. It's okay if it's just used for extras, but if the perspective of two different people is used in the article, it will look very messy and complicated. I hope the host can give it more thought...
The above is my personal opinion.
Repost, it was swallowed yesterday...
Seeing this, I think there are a lot of things that are unreasonable.
First, the heroine has lived in this world for hundreds of years, but she only learned poison skills from Qi in recent years. What did she do in the past few hundred years? The progress is too slow, not even as good as ordinary people, right?
Second, if the heroine has a rich history, she should know more ways to conceal her identity and appearance. There is no reason to give her real name when she arrives at Yaowang Castle. She already knew that Bai and his uncle were rescued by water, so she should know that her identity may be known. , He actually used his real name, washed his face, and revealed his appearance. Wasn't this intentional to attract attention? If he wanted to attract people's attention, he might as well have gone in under the name Tianya Haige. It would have been unnecessary to disguise himself first and then show up.
Third, it is unreasonable for a person who has lived for hundreds of years and must have met many people to suddenly have the idea of saving the little emperor.
Fourth, if the heroine hates others disturbing the peace of her old friend and wants to kill someone, and she has already killed several people, she should simply go for it. Why she spared others serious injuries but still let them go does not make sense. It can only be said that the author wants to save the hero, but for a woman who can assist the emperor, this behavior is too confusing.
I hope the author will think carefully and not rush the article for the sake of progress, resulting in too many loopholes.
I was unable to provide help in times of need some time ago, but today I am here to do a great job for the author! You have to work hard to update, and don't give up no matter what, come on, come on!!
Got lost give up
The weapon is similar to Little Dragon Girl, but there is less of a golden ball at the top.
Khan I don't like the alternating narration between first person and third person><
Suddenly I remembered the horse problem If a horse has a saddle, everyone can tell that it has an owner. A horse without a saddle cannot be ridden
The End of the World, the End of the World, and the End of the World, for a lifetime^^ I'm starting to show some of my passing feelings.
A brief discussion of "Passenger" Author: Bai Yi Nice review, very objective, a little bit trivial, no finer points.
The writing is pretty good, but the title seems too common. Anyway, as a newbie, I encourage you!
I read the original poster's article and said a little bit about it. The author actually wrote well. However, there are a few points that may need to be noted. 1. Description of characters The characters on the scene lack necessary portraits and expression descriptions. Because the author is writing in the first person, if you want to show the personalities of other characters in the article besides the protagonist, you need to spend more time on expressions. And if a new character appears without some description of his appearance, then this character will have no sense of existence in the eyes of the readers. This is okay once or twice, but after reading the article written by the original poster, I found that the original poster does not seem to have a portrait description of the characters in the article? I don't know if the poster didn't notice or is not very good at describing portraits… The appearance of 'my' in the article was all borrowed from other people's mouths. But beauty and refinement are just broad concepts. The best thing is to describe the appearance appropriately (of course, it may be that the poster described it, but I didn't read it carefully... If so, I would like to apologize first...) 2. The plot in the text The plot in the article is very incoherent in places. For example, the part where 'I' arrived at Yaowang Castle. The poster didn't give any clues. Earlier, I was still at home, but after a segmentation mark, I appeared in front of the Yaowang Castle... This... Is too much of a jump, right? Of course, maybe this is a foreshadowing laid by the original poster, but when I first saw it, it really felt strange. 3. Regarding logic issues Logic question... The first one was when Bai Su and his uncle threatened the heroine. The heroine is understandably angry. It's normal to start doing it. But why did he knock down people and seriously injure them, kill a bunch of people, and then suddenly stop? If you didn't want to kill people casually, then why did you kill those soldiers? Is it because the lives of soldiers are not as noble as that of Bai Su and his uncle, so they can die, but Bai Su and his uncle cannot die? Moreover, the poster also wrote in the article that they had already been seriously injured. Since the hatred has been forged, why bother to let them go again? The second one is also in the Yaowang Castle... I don't understand why the heroine wants to be a maid. As mentioned in the previous article, Tianyahai Pavilion is very famous. If the heroine goes anywhere with her original identity, she will definitely be able to achieve her goal (the heroine herself also said it in the article), but she turned into a maid, and the transformation was not complete... [Now I hear this name again. I couldn't help but take a closer look at the woman in front of me, and recalled her actions along the way. Sure enough, although she lowered her head from the beginning and pretended to be humble, there was no trace of humility in her bones. After she was washed, she became pure and refined] By the way... That imperial list should still be useful, right? The name is wrong, the appearance remains the same... MS writes a bit more... But apart from the above problems, overall, the poster's writing is still very good. I also noticed the description of the environment, laugh~ As long as the original poster persists, more and more people will watch it! One final comment... The last chapter of the original poster uses the first-person perspective of the water castle owner... By the way, I'm a little surprised by this. It's okay if it's just used for extras, but if the perspective of two different people is used in the article, it will look very messy and complicated. I hope the host can give it more thought... The above is my personal opinion. Repost, it was swallowed yesterday...
Seeing this, I think there are a lot of things that are unreasonable. First, the heroine has lived in this world for hundreds of years, but she only learned poison skills from Qi in recent years. What did she do in the past few hundred years? The progress is too slow, not even as good as ordinary people, right? Second, if the heroine has a rich history, she should know more ways to conceal her identity and appearance. There is no reason to give her real name when she arrives at Yaowang Castle. She already knew that Bai and his uncle were rescued by water, so she should know that her identity may be known. , He actually used his real name, washed his face, and revealed his appearance. Wasn't this intentional to attract attention? If he wanted to attract people's attention, he might as well have gone in under the name Tianya Haige. It would have been unnecessary to disguise himself first and then show up. Third, it is unreasonable for a person who has lived for hundreds of years and must have met many people to suddenly have the idea of saving the little emperor. Fourth, if the heroine hates others disturbing the peace of her old friend and wants to kill someone, and she has already killed several people, she should simply go for it. Why she spared others serious injuries but still let them go does not make sense. It can only be said that the author wants to save the hero, but for a woman who can assist the emperor, this behavior is too confusing. I hope the author will think carefully and not rush the article for the sake of progress, resulting in too many loopholes.