A Twisted Life in the Wizarding World

This is a crackfic, a ridiculous, over-the-top, fluffy Qiong Yao-style story. If you can't handle it, please don't beat me up~ Ahem, and if you can't keep reading, please don't flame me~ I just wrote this for fun on a whim... If you can't stand it, click the red X in the upper right and leave~ O(∩_∩)O~

P.S. All non-original Harry Potter copyrights belong to the great Rowling~

Main CP: Dobby and Voldemort. Side CPs: Ron and Albus, Aberforth, and Gellert. Others TBD.

Harry is running for his life on the Quidditch pitch. Behind the scenes, Dobby clutches a pillowcase bearing the Malfoy family crest, tears in his eyes, and mutters, "Dobby is a bad elf! Dobby must save Harry! Dobby is a bad elf! (banging his head against the wall)" [Inner thoughts] "Dobby is a bad elf! Dobby must avenge Tommy! Bludger, go get him! Smash the bastard! Dobby is a bad elf! (keeps banging his head against the wall)"

When Dobby meets snake-faced Voldemort (Qiong Yao version, don't beat me up)

"Tommy~ You... you... even if you hadn't had all that plastic surgery, Bibi would still love you~! Bibi thought you were dead, Tommy. Bibi was so sad, so heartbroken, Tommy~ Bibi missed you so, so, so, so much~!" Dobby cried out in anguish.

"Bibi~ Tommy missed you so, so, so, so much~! Through those eleven years without you, Tommy cried his eyes out day and night, his heart so broken he could hardly bear it! Bibi~ Do you think Tommy looks beautiful now~" Snake-faced Voldemort lay coyly in Dobby's arms.