The article has been posted, but JJ seems not to be displayed. You can still see it by clicking on the next chapter.
Why aren't there the ones at the back? Update every few days?
Pay attention to the punctuation, don't let the punctuation ruin the talent of the article...
In fact, I think the writing style is quite good. I would like to give you a suggestion that the layout should not be so honeyed. It makes my eyes dazzle...
Let me remind you of a taboo in writing. If your background setting is very strong, don't rush to impose a lot of background information on the readers. It will be counterproductive.
There are too many plain narratives and too few dialogues. The same sentence will make readers impatient.
I can't help but sigh, most readers don't like the "peasant plot", and there are still many people who don't like "Flying Fox Story" written by Mr. Cha.
If I really want to write about this, please read "The Secret of □".
The writing is good, but it's too wordy. It could end in one sentence, but it has to be extended into a long paragraph. There are too many unnecessary adjectives and they are too long. Maybe the author has revised them before and after, but he is reluctant to delete them. The plot advances too slowly and the writing is not important. It will make readers feel impatient. I believe that quite a few people will jump to read it.
For example: "When it broke, the sky was turbid. The edges of the gray clouds were covered with gold, and further away they were white. Huang Ning'er opened her eyes at this moment. There was dried blood on her long eyelashes, and when she opened her eyes, some of the blood fell down."
Another example: "She was lying on the wet mud ground. Her clothes had long been stained with mud color and stuck to her skin dirtyly. Looking from a distance, you couldn't see a human figure at all, just a small mud mound. There were some sparse weeds growing around her. Yesterday The spring rain swept across the night, and the grass was green and bright, but it made people feel wet and cold all over. The broken blue flags still hung on the camphor trees beside the road, and they began to flutter when the wind blew. Without the flag bearers and horns, the figure of the blue flag looked particularly resentful."
MM, the description of the situation is to serve the characters and the plot. The artistic conception expressed in the entire paragraph is good, but it is not enough, so just stop there.
The first paragraph can be simplified to "At the time of breaking, the clouds were gray and the sky was turbid. Huang Ning'er opened her eyes, and dried blood fell from her long eyelashes" etc.
The latter paragraph can be deleted completely without affecting the progression of the plot at all.
In addition, please pay attention to punctuation, and please do not abuse adjectives. Based on your description of "Big Brother", I really suspect that he is a mistress.
As a family, if you are hit hard, you will be forgiven.
Both are good, otherwise I would accept both! O(∩_∩)O Ha!
The article has been posted, but JJ seems not to be displayed. You can still see it by clicking on the next chapter.
Why aren't there the ones at the back? Update every few days?
Pay attention to the punctuation, don't let the punctuation ruin the talent of the article...
In fact, I think the writing style is quite good. I would like to give you a suggestion that the layout should not be so honeyed. It makes my eyes dazzle...
Let me remind you of a taboo in writing. If your background setting is very strong, don't rush to impose a lot of background information on the readers. It will be counterproductive. There are too many plain narratives and too few dialogues. The same sentence will make readers impatient.
I can't help but sigh, most readers don't like the "peasant plot", and there are still many people who don't like "Flying Fox Story" written by Mr. Cha. If I really want to write about this, please read "The Secret of □".
The writing is good, but it's too wordy. It could end in one sentence, but it has to be extended into a long paragraph. There are too many unnecessary adjectives and they are too long. Maybe the author has revised them before and after, but he is reluctant to delete them. The plot advances too slowly and the writing is not important. It will make readers feel impatient. I believe that quite a few people will jump to read it. For example: "When it broke, the sky was turbid. The edges of the gray clouds were covered with gold, and further away they were white. Huang Ning'er opened her eyes at this moment. There was dried blood on her long eyelashes, and when she opened her eyes, some of the blood fell down." Another example: "She was lying on the wet mud ground. Her clothes had long been stained with mud color and stuck to her skin dirtyly. Looking from a distance, you couldn't see a human figure at all, just a small mud mound. There were some sparse weeds growing around her. Yesterday The spring rain swept across the night, and the grass was green and bright, but it made people feel wet and cold all over. The broken blue flags still hung on the camphor trees beside the road, and they began to flutter when the wind blew. Without the flag bearers and horns, the figure of the blue flag looked particularly resentful." MM, the description of the situation is to serve the characters and the plot. The artistic conception expressed in the entire paragraph is good, but it is not enough, so just stop there. The first paragraph can be simplified to "At the time of breaking, the clouds were gray and the sky was turbid. Huang Ning'er opened her eyes, and dried blood fell from her long eyelashes" etc. The latter paragraph can be deleted completely without affecting the progression of the plot at all. In addition, please pay attention to punctuation, and please do not abuse adjectives. Based on your description of "Big Brother", I really suspect that he is a mistress. As a family, if you are hit hard, you will be forgiven.
Both are good, otherwise I would accept both! O(∩_∩)O Ha!