"He Wouldn't Even Give Me His Ashes"

Shen Du waited for Pei Wang for seven years. Wait for him to go on an expedition, wait for his triumphant return, wait for him to say "I'm back". But the night when Pei Fan came back, he brought a new love, trampled all the white plum blossoms in the courtyard, and said in front of him: "Master Shen, it's time to turn over the old story." Later, Shen Du found out—— The arrow that Pei Wang blocked when he went to war was so poisonous that he would not survive this winter. The death-free gold medal that Pei Wang asked for for him was exchanged for half of his life. Pei Wan came to his window every night and stood under his window until dawn, but never took a step forward, because the imperial doctor said, "If you are moved by your emotions, your heart will make a decisive decision." When Shen Du went to look for him like crazy, Pei Wang had been burning for three days and three nights. He kicked open the door and saw that the man was so thin that he had black lips and an unfinished letter in his hand—— "Shen Du Qinqi: Don't come looking for me. If you come, I will never rest in peace." Shen Du tore up the letter and knelt in front of the bed for three days and three nights, unable to take a single sip of medicine. Pei Wan woke up on the fourth day, looked at him, and smiled uglier than crying: "You're here. Then I've been holding on for so long." —— Later, Pei Wang really died. He died in Shen Du's arms, his body temperature cooled down little by little, and his fingers that were holding Shen Du loosened one by one. Shen Du sat with the still warm body in his arms all night. At dawn, he pulled out the sword from Pei Fan's waist and put it on his neck. But a second before the sword fell, he remembered Pei Wan's last words—— "Shen Du, please live well, I beg you." He lived. But living is ten thousand times more uncomfortable than dying. He went to find Pei Wan's ashes, and the official guarding the mausoleum said: "General Pei's ashes have been ordered to be scattered in Mobei. He will not enter the capital, be buried, or give them to anyone." Shen Du rode his horse and chased him to Mobei. The sky was full of wind and sand, and he couldn't find even a grain of ash. He knelt on the Gobi desert where Pei Fan had blocked an arrow for him, vomited out a mouthful of blood, and finally believed - There is no more Pei Juan in this world. Not even ashes. Even thinking about it has been completely stopped. —— Three years later, Shen Du knelt in front of the emperor for seven days and seven nights, asking for a decree to grant Pei Fan the title. The new emperor asked him: "Shen Qing, what are you trying to do? Everyone is gone." Shen Du raised his head, his eyes too dry to shed a single tear: "I don't want anything. I just... Want to give him a status." "When he was alive, he didn't dare to ask for it. After he died, I asked for it for him." The decree has come. He was granted the title of Marquis of Zhenbei and was entitled to enjoy the Imperial Ancestral Temple. But on the day after the edict was read, Shen Du returned to the house that had been empty for three years and felt a piece of paper under his pillow—— It was the unfinished letter that Pei Wan had written back then. The second half had been filled in by someone, and the handwriting was trembling: "... Shen Du, in this life, the most wrong thing I did was to love you, and the most right thing was to love you. Don't reincarnate to come to me in the next life. I'm afraid I can't help but protect you, and I won't live long." "For this life. For this life, please let me go." Shen Du held the letter close to his chest and finally cried. He hasn't shed a tear in three years. I cried until I vomited blood that night, and when I got up the next morning, I went to court, governed, and lived as usual. Pei Wan wants him alive. Then he lives. Live for the person who can't hear you. Intention: To love to the extreme is not to possess, but to pave the way for the other person even to the point of death. One person uses all his strength to push the other person out and protect him to the end; the other person realizes it later and regrets it, and spends the rest of his life paying off debts to the dead. "My living for you is the last willful thing in my life."