In the fifth year of loving Jian Ning, Xu Zhiyao finally won an ending for a relationship that had never even begun.
The most painful part of some kinds of love isn't never receiving a response. It's receiving one so gentle, so much like love.
A phone call on a stormy night, a shoulder lent to her on Christmas Eve, company by the sea until late at night, the trust placed in her hands when Jian Ning was sick... Jian Ning gave her too many moments she could mistake for love, yet always kept her in the place of “best friend.”
Xu Zhiyao had tried to leave, too.
She deleted Jian Ning's contact, avoided her birthday, and forced herself to meet new people. Nearly a year later, though, she saw Jian Ning sitting in the fifth row from the back on the left in a group photo from an acting workshop.
She added her again and wrote just one sentence:
“I was there today, too.”
From that day on, all the restraint she'd struggled so hard to build fell apart again.
In the fifth year of knowing each other, Xu Zhiyao finally said the words she'd kept hidden for far too long:
“I've never loved another woman but you. Let's be together.”
Jian Ning's rejection was as gentle as ever.
So gentle that Xu Zhiyao couldn't even find a place to direct her hatred.
Later, Xu Zhiyao built a stable life and made a film of her own. She stopped waiting, stopped asking for more, and stopped using being needed as proof that she was worthy of love.
Everyone thought she had finally moved on.
Only she knew:
Letting go of waiting and letting go of a person have never been the same thing.
Theme: Courage means not only confessing your love, but also admitting that love cannot make someone choose you, and making yourself the center of your own life again.
