Guns, Cannons, Scallions, Ginger, and Garlic

From clashing like needle and wheat awns to being a perfect match.

A story about two people with screws loose falling in love.

An enemies-to-lovers couple, two shameless flirts trying to outdo each other.

Ji Qingjue says: This is a story about my older sister chasing a man who wasn't interested in her, but fell for me instead.

Wen Shuyao says: This is a story about my wife's older sister wanting me to be her wife.

Qi Xu: "This is a sad and stupid story."

Serious blurb

A gentle, cunning man-eating flower who weaponizes his good looks × A proud, rebellious rich second-generation disaster

"This is an age overrun by monsters. If one of your friends is a monster, would you kill them or protect them?"

Welcome to Laomuzhugou Town. Keep an eye on your belongings, and on yourself.

After being suspended indefinitely for beating up his boss, Ji Qingjue decides to put his passion project on hold for a while and take a proper vacation. So the young master sets off with his not-so-useful brain and a huge wad of very useful cash. His original plan is to stroll around any famous mountain, ancient temple, tourist resort, or nine-star scenic attraction he can find. But as he wanders, the world around him gradually takes on a strange and unsettling atmosphere.

What Laomuzhugou Town? It's a complete hodgepodge of hooligans.

Ji Qingjue has never experienced bullying this pure.

What do you mean, love knows no boundaries of gender or age?

Sir, please have some self-respect. Put your skirt on before talking to me. Sure, I'm that kind of person, but you're really not my type! I don't want to kiss your mouth, or the hair on your face, and I definitely don't want to kiss your little bird. Put my underwear down! It can't be used as a mask! Thanks.

What do you mean, you're going to show me your cooking skills while I'm out?

You little brat! Put down my phone, computer, wallet, and vase, especially the vase! That's my toilet! You're not even stealing the soil from my flowerpot, are you? Now I see why they call you [REDACTED].

What do you mean, I'm an ungrateful jerk who abandoned my wife and child?

An eight-year-old can get pregnant? Take that pillow out from under your clothes. You're a boy! What do you mean boys can get pregnant too? You're only eight! So now I'm supposed to take responsibility for you?

Ji Qingjue has never experienced bullying this pure. He wants to fight back, but he is afraid one punch might send this bunch of elderly, weak, sick, and disabled people straight to the afterlife.

What nerve.

Never bow to a strong opponent, never pity a weak one.

Everyone in Laomuzhugou Town has the fearless spirit of someone with neither shame nor regard for their own life.

Faced with this crowd of wildly eccentric oddballs, Ji Qingjue sheds two broad, noodle-shaped tears of joy. Great, we all have a bright future.

Warning: The author is a complete beginner, so what I write may be both outrageous and stupid, with plot holes everywhere. I welcome criticism and advice, but not put-downs or comparisons meant to make me look bad. Love you all, mwah (~￣▽￣)~.

A pointless little skit that will make no difference whether you read it or not, Part 1

Ji Qingjue can't stand by and watch Qi Xu get deceived by a kept man, body and soul, so he resolves to give her some serious advice.

Ji Qingjue: Sis, stop chasing that jerk Wen Shuyao. He's a sharp-tongued, black-hearted, shameless idiot.

Qi Xu nods: Little bro, I just saw you two making out.

Ji Qingjue wipes his mouth: How else would I know his mouth is toxic?

Qi Xu: Is it really poisonous?

Ji Qingjue: Yep. He said he accidentally took one of those little spring pills used to breed boars.

Qi Xu: What kind of pill?

Ji Qingjue purses his lips: Hehe.

Little skit, Part 2

Wen Shuyao scans a code and wins a coupon for a free ice cream. After failing to snatch it from Ji Qingjue, he decides on a little revenge.

Lunch.

Grinning with all his teeth, Ji Qingjue puts a piece of ginger in Wen Shuyao's bowl. "Here, Mr. Wen, warm yourself up on this hot day."

Wen Shuyao's slender hand moves gracefully, his eyes rippling with warmth. He puts a meatless rib in Ji Qingjue's bowl. "Here, darling. I know you're grinding your teeth in hatred. Go ahead and sharpen them."

Qi Xu clings to her bowl like a potted pothos, picking at her rice. Then she slams down her chopsticks.

"Why don't you two eat some garlic? It's supposed to be pretty good at driving away evil spirits."

Wen Shuyao and Ji Qingjue each add a serving of bitter melon to Qi Xu's bowl in perfect unison. "Have some bitter melon. It'll clear out the toxins and cool your temper."

Qi Xu erupts with fury and strength enough to move mountains. "I'll knock both your heads together!"

Unsurprisingly, today's lunch ends once again with the young lady kicking over the table.

Theme: Since things have come to this, let's eat first