The Passerby Junior Brother Was Forced to Become a Slacker

A cultivation road-trip story, with my own take on cultivation. It follows an unconventional passerby, a little beggar who can't read a single character, a poor spellcaster who pinches every penny, a con artist who makes a living off tricks, a pair of brothers known as "Heaven's Cripple and Earth's Defect," and a crybaby Xia who knows nothing but flashy martial arts, as they roam the world in search of immortality.

*

Lin Heng was gifted from a young age, with a photographic memory. At just sixteen, he claimed first place at the sect tournament. A rare cultivation prodigy, he publicly rejected Lingxiao Palace's invitation, leaving behind a celebrated tale of youthful arrogance.

But no one knew that this once-in-a-generation genius had a worthless mixed spirit root.

His constitution was poor, his cultivation barely advanced, and everything he tried turned out badly. He was a rotten log.

Lin Heng couldn't agree more. After all, when he practiced the sword, his sword energy only struck fellow cultivators. When he made pills, he always blew up the furnace. When he crafted artifacts, he produced nothing but scrap metal. When he drew talismans, he hurt himself as much as his enemies. When he set up formations, he trapped himself along with everyone else. When he trained his body, he ended up half-paralyzed. When he tried to tame beasts, dogs hated him and cats avoided him.

But at least he had excellent comprehension, and he was... stubborn to a fault.

If everything he practiced was wrong, didn't that mean everything he did was right?

Lin Heng blended various methods together, had an epiphany one day, and left his sect to become a rogue cultivator.

Who knew that going out to see the world would nearly cost him his life?

*

After risking his life time and again and narrowly escaping death, Lin Heng learned one great truth:

If the sky falls, someone taller will hold it up. Better to relax and be a nobody.

Only his "good fellow cultivators" were all one by one more suspicious than the last.

The little beggar he rescued couldn't read a word, yet had a spirit gu to protect him. The spellcaster he befriended was penniless but skilled in all manner of clever tricks. The old man he trusted was a con artist, yet somehow had ties to the immortal sects. Even his closest friend from years ago had become a prominent figure when they met again, one of the twin pillars of the Daoist sects?

And his frail, adorable, crybaby senior sister could punch a demon tiger, kick a dragon, and punch a hole through two mountains with one palm?!

Wait, weren't we all supposed to live and die together and slack off? How come I'm the only good-for-nothing here?

What else are you all hiding from me?!

*

Lin Heng was forced into being a slacker. He hid behind his good friends and comforted himself: being an unknown nobody was fine. At least no one would pay attention to him, and when things got dangerous, he could just turn on his heel and leave.

But why did every monster and demon make a beeline for him, while every immortal sect kept picking on him?

That would be bad enough...

But when the crunch came, his good friends pushed him out in front to protect them.

Lin Heng: "What do you mean, we live and die together? What do you mean, I should hold off some demon lord, patriarch, or whatever... Hey!"

Lin Heng stood alone, Lin Heng was outmatched, Lin Heng struggled on the brink of death... Then Lin Heng clenched his buttocks and caught the demon lord completely off guard.

Everyone: So you were hiding things from us too.

Clutching his rear, Lin Heng cursed through his last breaths: "Wu Xingye! If you send another gu worm to bite me, you'll never find a wife!"

Wu Xingye smiled. "Why not? Keep insulting me, and I might let go."

Lin Heng looked down at the hundred-zhang cliff beneath him and held on tighter. "We were supposed to face hardships together... Why are you trying to kill me?"

Wu Xingye picked at his ear. "How about you beg?"

Lin Heng bristled. "In your dreams!"

*

Bonus scene:

Lin Heng: Seeking immortality is no match for eating well and waiting to die.

Wen Yue: Fellow Daoist Lin, don't sell yourself short.

Qian Jiu: Hey, youngster, I've got elders above and children below. I can't take you along.

He Yiguan/He Lingyu: Useless.

Xia Jiaojiao: Junior Brother, don't lie around. Come spar with me!

Wu Xingye: Seeking a human accessory.

Lin Heng slapped his thigh. "Sounds great!"

Everyone: ???

Something's off... Eight hundred percent off.

Reader's Guide: 1. The unconventional, easygoing, blockheaded bottom x the petty, sharp-tongued lotus-pod spirit top. One-on-one, both virgins.

2. Bottom's point of view. Ensemble cast, ensemble cast, ensemble cast. Grab your seats up front!

3. An ensemble cast of secret identities x everyone has more schemes than a lotus pod x open rivalry and cutthroat competition.

4. Slow burn, slow burn.

5. The top falls first, the top falls first!

6. My take on cultivation: Three ranks and nine realms: Hearing the Dao, Discerning the Heart, Seeking the Spirit, Peering into the Origin, Turbid Yang, Void Grotto, Three Transformations, Formlessness, and Supreme Clarity. (Inspired by mainstream cultivation settings such as Qi Refining and Foundation Establishment. Don't overanalyze it.)

Three Mountains and Five Regions: The Three Mountains are Jiuling Mountain, Putuo Ridge, and Liudu River.

The Five Regions are the Eastern Extremity, Southern Dian, Western Extremity, Wilds, and Central Continent.

Content warning: There are side pairings.

Disclaimer: The plot requires certain events. Please approach them rationally, and stop reading if they make you uncomfortable.

Theme: Without destruction, there can be no creation