Sorcerer, but with a Palace Intrigue System

One day, Lan Chuan Dongma was attacked by a cursed spirit.

Just as he was about to lose consciousness, unable to defeat the cursed spirit,

A mechanical voice sounded in his mind.

[Static, static. Binding successful... Hello, Host. I am Palace Intrigue System 001. I will help you become the emperor's favorite consort, give birth to an heir, and become the empress dowager!]

Dongma, jolting upright on the verge of death: Wait! What do you mean, a Palace Intrigue System?

Hold on! I'm a guy!!

When Dongma became a first-year student at Tokyo Jujutsu High, the System, which usually only crackled and babbled, suddenly spoke.

[Beginning mission. Mission 1: Successfully become an imperial consort through the selection or by climbing into someone's bed.]

Dongma, silent for a long while: Okk, I get it.

That night, Yaga's furious roar rang out loud and clear.

Dongma, after failing to climb into someone's bed: It's fine. I'll keep trying.

Everyone at the school: Don't come near us!!!

Dongma had barely had time to celebrate becoming one of the imperial concubines when the System issued another mission.

[The Host's choice has activated a mod. Mission focus changed: Try your best to become a vicious and scheming consort.]

[Mission issued: A palace maid has been found to be carrying the emperor's child. Mod focus activated: [What makes you think you can get pregnant before me?] Host, abort this child!!]

Holding the abortion pills given as a mission reward, Dongma was full of questions.

At last, he looked at the cursed womb in front of him.

Then inspiration struck.

Hey, a cursed womb is a womb too!!

I'll abort it, abort it, abort it!

[Congratulations, Host. You're ruthless and strike at the first opportunity. You have earned the special title [Chairman of Abortions Inc.]. Wearing this title will automatically detect whether anyone within a fifty-kilometer radius is carrying an imperial heir.]

Dongma, who'd gotten hooked on aborting pregnancies: Doesn't that cover all of Tokyo? My business has expanded again, hehe.

Dongma's days at Jujutsu High were plain and uneventful.

The System was like it had been shot full of adrenaline, issuing missions every day.

Maki was teaching Dongma hand-to-hand combat when she couldn't help making a snarky remark about him.

[Ding. Detected: The Zenin beauty has verbally attacked the Host.]

[As a vicious and arrogant favorite consort, say to her: In the palace, the most important thing is rules. Guards! Drag her away and give her thirty strokes of the cane! (While brushing your temple, smile disdainfully.)]

Dongma, at a loss for what to do with the idiotic System: ...

Maki, full of questions after hearing that: Oh no. Did I hit him so hard I broke his brain?

[Ding. Detected: Itadori has agreed, and is now bragging to the Host that he's about to be promoted, mocking you for never rising in rank.]

[Host, say: In this palace, what matters isn't how high your rank is, but the emperor's favor~ Little sister, your promotion couldn't have been won for you by your family, could it? (Use a sarcastic tone and look her up and down with contempt.)]

Dongma, who'd just been chatting with Itadori and happened to bring up the topic: …

Itadori, staring blankly after hearing him: Lan Chuan, are you being weird on purpose again?

Dongma, who'd lost all dignity long ago: What kind of stupid mod is this! I want to file a complaint!!

After struggling to complete the System's missions, Dongma looked at Tokyo, which resembled the end of the world, and felt utterly hopeless.

[Ding. Detected: The Imperial Noble Consort has been banished to the Cold Palace! Many high-ranking consorts have been executed or swept up in palace intrigue. This is the perfect opportunity for the Host to rise to power!!]

[Mission issued: Obtain the authority to oversee the Six Palaces!]

Dongma shuddered, then suddenly had a flash of inspiration: Right! I need power! I need to climb the ranks! I want to be the emperor's favorite consort!!

And then

Dongma successfully became the principal of both the Tokyo and Kyoto schools.

[Congratulations, Host. You have risen above all others to become the undisputed empress of the Eastern and Western Six Palaces! Reward: [Phoenix Seal]. In the name of the empress, you may issue orders to the imperial harem and depose or appoint consorts!]

Holding the Phoenix Seal, Dongma stood in Tokyo Tower with an imposing air.

"In the name of the empress, I hereby demote every sorcerer to Grade 4!!"

Everyone who suddenly lost a huge amount of cursed energy and their mastery of cursed techniques: ??????

Dongma stroked the Phoenix Seal and burst out laughing.

Who said this idiotic System was no good?

This is amazing!!

Everyone at Jujutsu High: So Lan Chuan wasn't just being weird on purpose?! He was seriously playing palace intrigue and actually became the empress??

***Content warnings***

OOC//both serious and not serious

A product of wild imagination and sudden inspiration. Probably doesn't have much logic.

Theme: Finding your dreams amid the absurd