I Turned Out to Be a Walking Calamity

Qiao Jinzhi's childhood dream came true.

He discovered that he had dissociative identities. One helped him work out, another helped him go to school and do his homework, and another made money for him to spend.

All he had to do was lie in bed during his free time, play on his phone, and spend money.

Life couldn't have been more comfortable.

Until one day, the apocalypse arrived without warning.

Terrified and at a loss, Qiao Jinzhi mindlessly followed his neighbors in hoarding salt, medicine, and food. He spent his days in a constant state of anxiety, afraid to leave the house and doing his best to avoid the various "calamities" that might appear nearby. Then, without warning, a deep-red wanted notice appeared on a giant screen:

Name: Qiao Jinzhi.

Gender: Male.

Age: 18.

S-Class humanoid calamity.

Physical description: Approximately 178 to 182 cm tall, slender build, short black hair. His eyes are normally deep black, but turn scarlet when his emotions fluctuate. He has a cold expression, with no obvious birthmarks or scars. A black pattern may be present on the back of his left hand.

This target has been classified as an S-Class calamity, with uncontrollable, extremely high levels of danger and contamination capability. If the target is found, do not look directly at it for more than three seconds. Do not speak to it...

"What?!"

Qiao Jinzhi let out a whistle and jumped three feet into the air.

After all that, the calamity was me!??

With a grave expression, Qiao Jinzhi summoned several of his identities. "All right, which one of you betrayed the organization?"

Later,

Qiao Jinzhi decided to turn himself in to the government.

-

Qiao Jinzhi once came across a short video asking, "Would you be willing to date yourself?"

It was probably meant to encourage self-reflection or self-awareness.

Back then, Qiao Jinzhi had scoffed at the idea. Of course I would, he'd thought. I'm handsome, funny, clean, and charming. I eat anything, have a strong sense of morality, and I'm responsible. Being with myself would be absolutely awesome! We'd never argue!

But now...

Qiao Jinzhi looked at the blob clinging to his side. He could barely make out his own features in its dark shape. He held out his hand to ward it off. "Don't come any closer! Aaaah!"

The next second, knowing himself all too well, Qiao Jinzhi snatched his hand back. He was afraid that the "Qiao Jinzhi" might lick his palm.

But it was already too late. A black tendril suddenly darted out and rubbed against his palm.

The sticky sensation made Qiao Jinzhi instantly lose it. "Aaaah! I knew it!"

Content warning: Narcissistic romance. They share one body in the early part of the story. Later, the other one gets a different body, but it isn't a conventional human body, so it might... be a little sanity-draining.

Theme: With enough effort, dreams can come true