Why did the deepest love of my youth never develop further? Was it because I was timid, or because I persevered? Did it stem from my mistaken beliefs, or my stubborn nature? The point of exploring these questions is no longer to make sense of our relationship, but to see myself clearly. I am gradually realizing that the boy I was in my youth was someone misled by false beliefs, someone who could not bear the blow of failure, someone who wanted a life more than he wanted love (Xiao You once said: Make room for love in your life), someone who dared not face the impulses of his own life, someone defeated by himself.
I don't know if Xiao You ever suffered too much. If she is my other half, the better half, gentle, forgiving, and steadfast, then I hope she has a better life than I do in this world. She deserves a good life, because in pursuing the life she truly wanted, she never once acted as coldly, timidly, or hesitantly as I did. Even Heaven could not help but pity someone like her.
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