A Tyrant's Daily Bedchamber Routine

Blurb:

Transmigrated into the body of the tyrant of Great Tang, the incompetent Tang Wei can only win over powerful ministers and stabilize the court by spending nights with them, all to keep himself alive.

Today it's the Ministry of War's Vice Minister's youngest daughter; tomorrow it's the chancellor's eldest daughter; the day after, it's the Imperial Censor's third young lady.

After being washed and dried by the servants, Tang Wei trembled as he leaned against the wall. He downed the tonic the imperial kitchen had sent to strengthen his kidneys, thinking he would meet an early end if this kept up. Then his eyes shifted, and he decided to lead the army himself!

It just so happened that a report had arrived from the northwestern border the day before: the Western Rong were making repeated moves, and the troops needed to be mobilized.

The court was arguing fiercely over whether to go to war or seek peace. Tang Wei thought of Ma, the consort in his harem who was even more formidable than the cavalry general. She could snap the bed frame with her bare hands and drag him back to bed. He shuddered uncontrollably and immediately made his decision:

Set out! Right now, this very instant!

The ministers were stunned and dropped to their knees to beg him:

"Your Majesty, you mustn't! Leading the army yourself is extremely dangerous. You mustn't treat your life like a game."

Tang Wei put on a solemn face and gave a grand speech full of noble principles. With a perfectly legitimate excuse, he turned down the several concubines the empress wanted to foist on him, then happily slept like the dead in the carriage bound for the Western Regions, unaware of the world around him.

When he finally woke, the grasslands were engulfed in war, with smoke billowing high into the sky.

His subordinate rushed in with joyful news:

"Congratulations, Your Majesty! The speed of our campaign was crucial. The Western Rong never expected us to attack, let alone so quickly. We've already taken half their territory."

"We've sent the battle report to the court. The chancellor asks whether you plan to return to the capital tomorrow."

Tang Wei was dumbfounded. What? Return to the capital tomorrow? Absolutely not.

"All troops, hear my command! Follow me and wipe out the remaining enemy! We'll crush the Western Rong once and for all!"

Victory reports poured in, but Tang Wei looked anything but pleased. This wouldn't do. If the war ended, he'd have to return to the harem, wouldn't he? Absolutely not!

"Soldiers, relay my order: establish a camp here and develop the local economy."

Every time local conditions improved, he would quickly raise his banner and set off on another campaign before the provincial governor could bring his daughter to visit.

Haha! They thought they could make him spend the night with them again? Not a chance!

Tang Wei had assumed he wouldn't last long as a puppet emperor, and he was smug about his plan to avoid being washed clean and sent to someone's bed.

Yet, without realizing it, Great Tang's territory grew tenfold, he won the hearts of the people across the realm, and the ministers stopped treating him like a puppet emperor.

Tang Wei was completely baffled. Could someone tell him what on earth had happened?

PS: Alternate history, many fictional liberties, and no real-life models. No need to take it too seriously. Thanks, and enjoy~

Theme: The weak will be bullied, so make yourself stronger fast.