Sitting in the car,
Looking at the scenery outside the window,
In fact, I clean the windows every time I get in the car.
... In this way... You can see her more clearly... Closer...
Without being noticed by her.
Conception:
Reader comments
Flowers. . Touch your head. . . That being said, I was baffled by what I saw. .
I don't know how to raise the topic, please forgive me for a moment, hehe.
I have known Mian Mian for a while, and her writing has been improving. Although I feel a little regretful about a few articles along the way, the general trend is still moving forward.
Since this is a long review, let's talk about this one.
The opening is a very common opening style - for the beginning, I personally think it is better to be concise without losing the content.
Starting from the scene, it is easy to hook people. Although the person is not my type (please don't worry about this person who likes easy-to-understand street goods...), The suspense and past substitution at the beginning are not to mention how touching the description is, but the concise and sufficient sense of the scene is enough to make people ignore this. Maybe there's a reason why I don't like to retouch too much. It's a matter of opinion.
Of course, how well this foreshadowing of the past is buried depends on what happens next. And isn't this one of the motivations that makes people want to keep watching?
A good author will not waste too much ink at the beginning. From this point of view, this J3 fanfic meets the structural standards of a good article. It is very pleasant to enter the main text quickly ~ and the various details are also very thoughtful. It really satisfies my obsession with details.
For example:
[Senior brother raised his eyebrows and looked at him: "You are shouting very affectionately. I raised you from the age when you could just crawl to the age where you can jump up and down, but you forgot about me as soon as you were injured. By the way, do you still remember who you studied under?"
Lan was speechless and shook his head in frustration.
The senior brother held up his forehead and said: "Suddenly I want to help Master throw you into the cauldron to cook... Remember, you are the chief disciple of the Jade Toad Master Feng Yao in the sect. She is also the mentor who led me to learn the gu technique in the sect, and I am the leader's sect's brand name - Aimeng."]
It not only breaks up the slightly tense atmosphere at the beginning, making people laugh, but also makes people unable to help but get drawn into the picture. At least for me, I couldn't put it down for a long time! (Hello)
Now that I have said this, I have to mention the rhythm of the article. I am quite satisfied with this article. At least it is not easy all the way to the end but is pulled back well. It is not like some authors who can't control the flow of happiness when they are happy... Then the following suddenly unfolds. The conversation between Tang Wushe and Aimeng vaguely reveals that this article actually has a big boss [...] And is not written by Xiaobai! The appearance of the sneak attacker also brought the rhythm of the article to a climax - and then, there was no more! So are all updates in Jinjiang like this? Digging a hole every time?
Making people suddenly nervous is quite disgusting and terrible for readers! But this is probably also the motivation to keep reading... Such as digging for foreshadowing, so the author hates it the most? Just kidding
All in all, as far as this article is concerned, I haven't found any shortcomings that can be mentioned so far. Maybe the only thing I have to mention is the names of people? But can this actually be overcome? In fact, you have basically overcome it now?
The advantages are: bright rhythm, non-redundant writing and loving character creation. A successful article shouldn't have too many people with repetitive personalities, but as someone who doesn't know much about J3 and only knows about the sect, I'm actually still speculating on the direction of CP, so I can't comment on the relationship...
Ah, that's my personal impression! Wow Lansa is so cute, marry me now~ I've become more and more fond of this kind of character lately, what's going on! It's completely different from before! Ammon is so loving, pounding the ground! I feel like I like the wrong person! ! TVT
Guoguo works very hard~
There is a new pit... I will jump into it!
Flowers. . Touch your head. . . That being said, I was baffled by what I saw. .
I don't know how to raise the topic, please forgive me for a moment, hehe. I have known Mian Mian for a while, and her writing has been improving. Although I feel a little regretful about a few articles along the way, the general trend is still moving forward. Since this is a long review, let's talk about this one. The opening is a very common opening style - for the beginning, I personally think it is better to be concise without losing the content. Starting from the scene, it is easy to hook people. Although the person is not my type (please don't worry about this person who likes easy-to-understand street goods...), The suspense and past substitution at the beginning are not to mention how touching the description is, but the concise and sufficient sense of the scene is enough to make people ignore this. Maybe there's a reason why I don't like to retouch too much. It's a matter of opinion. Of course, how well this foreshadowing of the past is buried depends on what happens next. And isn't this one of the motivations that makes people want to keep watching? A good author will not waste too much ink at the beginning. From this point of view, this J3 fanfic meets the structural standards of a good article. It is very pleasant to enter the main text quickly ~ and the various details are also very thoughtful. It really satisfies my obsession with details. For example: [Senior brother raised his eyebrows and looked at him: "You are shouting very affectionately. I raised you from the age when you could just crawl to the age where you can jump up and down, but you forgot about me as soon as you were injured. By the way, do you still remember who you studied under?" Lan was speechless and shook his head in frustration. The senior brother held up his forehead and said: "Suddenly I want to help Master throw you into the cauldron to cook... Remember, you are the chief disciple of the Jade Toad Master Feng Yao in the sect. She is also the mentor who led me to learn the gu technique in the sect, and I am the leader's sect's brand name - Aimeng."] It not only breaks up the slightly tense atmosphere at the beginning, making people laugh, but also makes people unable to help but get drawn into the picture. At least for me, I couldn't put it down for a long time! (Hello) Now that I have said this, I have to mention the rhythm of the article. I am quite satisfied with this article. At least it is not easy all the way to the end but is pulled back well. It is not like some authors who can't control the flow of happiness when they are happy... Then the following suddenly unfolds. The conversation between Tang Wushe and Aimeng vaguely reveals that this article actually has a big boss [...] And is not written by Xiaobai! The appearance of the sneak attacker also brought the rhythm of the article to a climax - and then, there was no more! So are all updates in Jinjiang like this? Digging a hole every time? Making people suddenly nervous is quite disgusting and terrible for readers! But this is probably also the motivation to keep reading... Such as digging for foreshadowing, so the author hates it the most? Just kidding All in all, as far as this article is concerned, I haven't found any shortcomings that can be mentioned so far. Maybe the only thing I have to mention is the names of people? But can this actually be overcome? In fact, you have basically overcome it now? The advantages are: bright rhythm, non-redundant writing and loving character creation. A successful article shouldn't have too many people with repetitive personalities, but as someone who doesn't know much about J3 and only knows about the sect, I'm actually still speculating on the direction of CP, so I can't comment on the relationship... Ah, that's my personal impression! Wow Lansa is so cute, marry me now~ I've become more and more fond of this kind of character lately, what's going on! It's completely different from before! Ammon is so loving, pounding the ground! I feel like I like the wrong person! ! TVT
Guoguo works very hard~ There is a new pit... I will jump into it!
555555555555555So touching