After losing the love of his previous life, his head turned gray overnight. "In this life, I obviously met her first, and we fell in love first, so why did I lose her." Bai Jingxuan hated himself, and he beat his head to vent his anger. Thinking of the scenes of love between the two of them in the past life and the present, the longing and pain of the two lives intertwined together and formed a river. He was so grief-stricken that he couldn't breathe. He couldn't suppress the grief that spewed out and burst into tears. His painful sobs floated in the yard. The originally brilliant young master Bai couldn't bear the blow of losing his beloved, and his head turned gray overnight. He stepped on the snow in the yard and walked towards the door of the mansion. His clothes were fluttering, his silver hair was flying, and the white snow was flying. He seemed to be integrated with the ice and snow, inseparable from each other. After he left the mansion, he headed directly towards Prince Annan's Palace, Annan followed silently not far away.
🦋 The ceiling of abuse literature in the Republic of China | "Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust" --- "She gave birth to a son for him, but the son was not his biological son." At the age of fifteen, she was a scholarly daughter held in the palm of her family. I don't want to take another look at the dark-skinned, honest and clumsy man. On their wedding night, she swore in tears that she would rather die than obey. He stayed silent for four months, sleeping in his study every night, without ever crossing the line. Until that slap - her elder brother hit her, and he was the first to rush to protect her. He squatted down and touched her red and swollen cheeks with his trembling fingertips, and asked with red eyes: "Does it hurt?" At that moment, she was confused. --- "She has changed her identity six times and her name three times in her life." A daughter from a famous family. A young woman from the Zhang family. Prisoner of the deep house. The brothel clears the brothel. Japanese female spy. The dead soul who blocks the gun for others. There is only one name, which belongs to me until death - Lin Die'er. --- "When we met again on the street ten years later, she said in Japanese: You have recognized the wrong person." "すみません, あなたは... You have recognized the wrong person." He froze in place. She turned around and walked into the crowd, her back straight, without any nostalgia. Turning the corner, she leaned against the cold wall, covered her mouth, and cried silently. He didn't run away with anyone. She didn't want him. She just couldn't recognize him. --- "He didn't know until his death that he had hugged his biological son." The child named Yi'an looked very much like him. He smiled and hugged her, saying, "This child is so good-looking." He didn't know that it was the flesh and blood of Die'er who gave birth to her in another courtyard with all her life. He didn't even know that the "father" the child recognized was the person he hated the most. - A pair of silver butterfly hairpins divided into two places, a sign of love for half a life and parting for the rest of their lives. The butterfly disappears into the dust and smoke, and there is no time to wait for its return. 📖"Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust" - time difference, ultimate BE, the peak of sadomasochism in the Republic of China.
Title: I am a villain in everyone's eyes, but I love her as much as anyone else - Reading "Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust" from Xiao Qihao's perspective ---[Eat Melon][Eat Melon][Eat Melon][Cry][Cry] Everyone in the world accuses me of Xiao Qihao being paranoid and unscrupulous. They are right. I am an illegitimate son of the Zhang family. I take my mother's surname and have no legitimate identity. I have been living with others since I was a child. I'm jealous of Zhang Zhiming—jealous of his status as a direct descendant, jealous of his solid family fortune, and even more jealous of him marrying the only woman I want in my life. Lin Die'er. --- When I first saw that side, I knew I was doomed. She was a daughter of a famous family, with picturesque features and a tenacity in her bones that refused to bow. Zhang Zhiming was accommodating to her in every possible way, but her eyes were full of impatience and disgust. I could see clearly - she didn't love him. Since she doesn't love him, why can't she be replaced by me? Once this idea takes root, it can never be uprooted. I began to spy on her daily routine, hiding behind the rockery and watching her sitting alone by the pond in a daze, sneaking into her courtyard when she was not around, and staring at the rouge box on her dressing table in trance. I even attacked Ping'er because she was the closest person to Die'er. Die'er rushed to me and told me that the matchmaker was marrying Ping'er. I smiled and said to her, "The position of my head wife in my heart has always been yours." Her eyes were like knives, and she scolded me for being shameless. But I don't care. I only care about her. --- I finally got her, but she never belonged to me. I bribed Zhang's mother, forged a divorce letter, and imprisoned Die'er in another courtyard. That night, I said to her: Your mother-in-law has betrothed you to me a long time ago. She cried, struggled, and was heartbroken. I kissed her, but she didn't respond, only tears. At dawn, I opened the door and left. She was huddled in the corner, her clothes were messy and her eyes were empty. I thought I won. But later I found out that she was pregnant with Zhang Zhiming's flesh and blood. In order to keep the baby alive, she made me think it was mine. She gritted her teeth to please me, closed her eyes and let me kiss her, but she muttered another man's name in a place where I couldn't hear her. At night, she slept in my arms, and what she murmured in her dream was - "Zhiming..." Those two words were like a knife, piercing my heart. I tightened my arms and whispered in her ear: "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you call in your dream. In this life, you can only lie next to me." But I couldn't lie to myself. I got her person, never her heart. --- I gave her all the good things I could do, but she wouldn't even give her a sincere smile. I gave her all the good things I could do to her. Make the other courtyard exquisite and warm, collect her favorite snacks and favorite treasures, stay by her side and take good care of her every day, let go of all the evil birds of prey, and learn to be gentle and accommodating. But the way she looked at me was still without any warmth. I'm not willing to give in. I am so jealous of Zhang Zhiming that I go crazy with jealousy. Why? How could he make her miss him even though he didn't do anything? And I tried my best, but I couldn't get her a sincere smile. I started to smoke heavily and tried to numb myself with opium. I want to forget her, but I can't. --- She disappeared, leaving only searching and regret for the rest of my life. My mother took advantage of my retreat to quit smoking and sold her into Yihongyuan. After I got out of the country, I learned the news, and I searched everywhere like crazy. I walked all over the streets, but there was no news about her. The child I believed to be Ping'er was held in my hands and taken good care of. I named him "Yi'an" - no hesitation, peace and security. I poured all my guilt, debt and obsession with Die'er into this child. I thought until my death that it was my flesh and blood. I never found the silver necklace she left behind in the swaddling compartment. --- When the news of her death came, my world collapsed. After several years of searching, the news of her death finally arrived. The woman I asked for, the woman who ruined half my life and was ruined by me, is dead. She blocked the gun for someone else and gave her life to another man. I didn't even see him for the last time, and I didn't even get a chance to apologize. I held the golden butterfly hairpin she had left in another courtyard and stayed behind closed doors for three days without eating or drinking. I remembered what she said to me that night: "I'm just your trophy." I said word by word to the air - "Die'er, I love you. Because you are you, not a trophy." No one heard. She won't hear it either. --- I'm not a good person, but I really loved him. Everyone in the world said that Xiao Qihao was a villain, a villain, and the murderer who ruined Die'er's life. I won't argue. But I want you to know - I love her as much as anyone else. I just did it the wrong way, the wrong way from the beginning. If I could have met her earlier, if I could pursue her in an honest way, if I was not the illegitimate son of the Zhang family, if I could control my jealousy and paranoia - would the ending be different? No one can answer me. She won't come back either. --- Epilogue I put all my guilt and longing for Die'er into the front line of the Anti-Japanese War. I can point the blade at my brother, but never at my own country. For the rest of my life, I devoted everything I had to supporting the Anti-Japanese War, teaching that child to be patriotic and good, and spend my whole life making up for the sins I had committed. I made Ping'er my main wife and gave birth to a pair of children. But that place in my heart is always empty. I know I don't deserve to say I love her. But if there is a next life - I hope I can stand upright in front of her and say: "Hello, Miss Lin. My name is Xiao Qihao. I am not anyone's illegitimate child, nor anyone's substitute. I am just a person who wants to get to know you." --- If you have ever loved someone, so much that you were obsessed with it, read "Butterfly Shadow Returns to Dust". There are no purely good guys or purely bad guys here. There was only a man named Xiao Qihao who loved someone he should never love in the wrong way. After finishing the book, it's hard to calm down.