Back in the Village to Lie Flat, I Raise Mythical Beasts from the Classic of Mountains and Seas Like Farm Chickens

After getting downsized by a big tech company, I went back to my hometown and lay flat in my ancestral home. On a whim, I used erythromycin ointment to save a wild chicken with no feathers.

The chicken burped and spewed out divine fire hot enough to reach 5,000 degrees. The charcoal it pooped out shattered the West's material blockade on our controlled nuclear fusion program!

All it takes is a basin of corn porridge to fill up these Shan Hai Jing beast cubs in my yard, each strong enough to tear apart natural disasters with their bare hands. They all compete to call me Dad!

While Western powers are fighting over next-generation aerospace armor, senior academicians at the National Academy of Sciences have already rushed over in the middle of the night with ventilators, waiting eagerly in front of my chicken coop for fresh droppings.

Top foreign mercenaries sneaked in with heavy weapons to steal the divine beast. They had barely reached the yard wall when a cub of the bone-spiked iron-eating beast slapped their bulletproof helmet flat as a pancake and crunched it like a snack.

And what about my ex-girlfriend and awful boss, who drove back to the village in a BMW, acting all high and mighty and hoping to see me make a fool of myself?

Before their car even reached the village entrance, eight armed helicopters swooped down overhead. Fully armed special police officers pinned them into the mud on the spot. "Hands on your heads! The area ahead is a top-secret national base, Level One! Show your heads and we'll shoot you on sight!"

Meanwhile, in the yard, I was wearing nothing but oversized shorts and chasing the bald chicken with a flip-flop, smacking its backside. "How many times have I told you? Don't poop on the academician's head! Keep it up and you won't get any corn tonight!"

The eighty-year-old academician rushed over, grabbed my leg, and burst into tears. "Master Chen! Please, spare it! That's an ancestor capable of sinking an aircraft carrier!!!"