I Became the Golden Cudgel, and All of Honghuang Can Hear My Thoughts

Chen Tie transmigrates into the world of Journey to the West and, to his dismay, becomes a rusty Sea-Calming Needle stuck in the eye of the Eastern Sea. Unable to move, he can only entertain himself by ranting furiously in his mind.

To avoid spending his whole life rusting away like scrap metal, he makes sure to rant and spoil the plot whenever Sun Wukong comes near, exposing the secrets of Journey to the West and vowing to cling to Brother Monkey’s coattails!

The Dragon King tries to fob the monkey off with junk? [You old fossil, your Third Prince is going to be cuckolded on his wedding night, then hacked to pieces at the Dragon-Slaying Platform. And you still have the nerve to pretend you’re broke?] The Dragon King of the Western Sea immediately drops to his knees before the monkey and offers him a top-grade spirit treasure! The monkey is just about to smash the Dragon Palace when Chen Tie says, [Don’t smash it, bro. The Tathagata is about to pin you beneath Five Finger Mountain, where you’ll spend five hundred years eating iron pills!] The monkey’s eyes turn bloodshot as he glares fixedly toward the West!

The gods and Buddhas of the myriad heavens think that Journey to the West is a play whose script was written long ago. Little do they know that the iron staff in the monkey’s hand has already spilled every secret of Heaven’s workings!