Complaining to the Seventeen-Year-Old Him

[Bittersweet literary fiction, bad ending]

At seventeen, Shen Yan liked waiting for Lin Xing to come home beneath the old locust tree by the school gate.

At twenty-seven, Shen Yan no longer wants to go home to a place with Lin Xing.

--

“Shen Yan, what if you bully me someday?”

“Then tell seventeen-year-old me, and I promise I won’t let him get away with it.”

His youthful face was earnest as he hooked his little finger around hers. “Lin Xing, let’s make a promise. Shen Yan will stay by Lin Xing’s side for his whole life. If he breaks that promise, he’ll never find love again.”

On countless late nights, Lin Xing clutched a photograph and wept. “Shen Yan, I can’t find you anymore.”

--

At seventeen, Shen Yan secretly wrote a letter and sent it to the Lin Xing of ten years later.

At twenty-seven, Lin Xing received that letter.

Lin Xing, I like you. I want to spend every year with you, and stay together forever.

If I really do bully you someday, remember that it won’t be the me who loves you.

Xingxing, don’t go soft-hearted, and don’t regret ever loving me.

If you cry, then I must have become a terrible person. Please be brave and leave me.

Lin Xing, let your tears fall, but always keep reaching upward.

Seventeen-year-old Shen Yan will always cherish you, always stand behind you, and protect you so you can live each year without worry.

--

Her youth was the blazing sun, the chirring cicadas, and the boy she loved. It was the ache she could never resolve, the feelings she could never put into words.

“I’ll do as you wished. I’ll keep reaching upward, toward the sun, year after year.”