Genshin Impact: Help, the Tsaritsa and the Moon Goddess Are Both Pursuing Me!

(The empress in this story is severely out of character. Readers who mind, beware.) [Two female leads]

I’m Randall, the First Harbinger of the Fatui and governor of Nod-Krai. I have neither a Vision nor a Delusion, and I’m completely straight.

During the day, one gunshot from me can silence an entire city. One order, and countless people have enough to eat. I can stand against a Skyfrost Nail without even furrowing my brow.

At night, I lie in bed, trembling with fear, too scared to even sleep.

On my left is the Tsaritsa of Snezhnaya. She publicly claims to be my fiancée and makes me report in every day to let her know I’m safe.

On my right is the current Moon God, my former “little sister,” who starts off with, “Brother, I want to sleep with you,” and springs surprise attacks on me all the time.

Each is stronger than the last, and more impossible to deal with.

Question: As a nobody caught between two goddesses, how can I protect my good name without getting beaten to death?

Waiting for an answer online. It’s urgent. It looks like another nail is about to fall from the sky.