The results of the underworld's first-half KPI review are in.
Reincarnation satisfaction: zero. Ghost bailiff turnover: sixty percent. Repeat offenses by vengeful ghosts: appalling.
The Jade Emperor's verdict: Replace the King of Hell.
I, Lin Du, was an HR business partner at a major internet company. The night I laid off three hundred people, I died suddenly. When I opened my eyes again, I was seated behind the desk in the Hall of Hell, the new Wheel-Turning King of the Tenth Hall. My predecessor, Bao Zheng, had been dismissed. I was the fourth appointee, and the last: if I messed this up, the Tenth Hall would be shut down and the underworld would collapse.
On my first day, Meng Po handed me her resignation. “I'm opening a bubble tea shop in the human world.”
I rolled my eyes. “You earn three bowls of Meng Po soup a month. How are you going to afford that?”
Meng Po froze.
I pushed the resignation letter back to her. “Let's clean up this mess in the underworld first. I'll invest.”
Within three days, the ghost bailiffs were back at work and paid their overdue wages; the Ten Kings of Hell held a joint meeting; a draft set of unified management rules for the Eighteen Levels of Hell was put into practice; and Meng Po's Tea opened for a trial run. (Forget River water, milk, and tapioca pearls: one bowl will make you forget a third of your troubles.)
The Celestial Court's Personnel Office replied: “Funding is on hold. We'll reconsider after seeing the results.”
Fine. If they won't fund us, I'll use the resources saved from the Eighteen Levels of Hell and put them to work internally. The three classic HR moves: paint a rosy picture, listen to feedback, and cut whoever needs cutting.
They said each of the Eighteen Levels of Hell was like its own country and couldn't be touched. Three months later, I slapped my Organizational Efficiency Analysis Report down on the Tenth Hall's desk.
They said the underworld hadn't changed in thirty thousand years. Three years later, the reincarnation queue had shrunk from eight hundred years to three hundred.
Thirty years later, the first organization in the Three Realms to pass the “organizational efficiency
