You Were Told to Restore the Han, Yet You Turned Liu Bei into a Bandit Chief

[Brute-force protagonist + grabbing money + grabbing food + grabbing territory + avenging every injustice + cunning and funny + fast-paced + face-slapping]

"Fourth Brother, hurry! Don't worry about Second Brother!"

In the pouring rain at Maicheng, Guan Yu gave a bitter laugh. With dozens of arrows in him, he shoved me off the cliff.

"No!"

I jolted awake, gasping for breath. There were no Wu rats covering the mountains. Only peach blossoms in full bloom, and Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei raising their wine bowls.

"Today, the four of us become sworn brothers. We ask not to be born in the same year, month, and day..."

My eyes turned bloodshot. I kicked over the altar table, drew my blade, and cut the county magistrate's son in half, horse and all. He had just mocked Big Brother as "a mere mat-weaver and sandal seller"!

Scalding blood splashed across Liu Bei's face. Big Brother was so startled that his wine bowl fell to the ground, while Second and Third Brother sucked in sharp breaths.

This was the hundredth time I'd transmigrated back to the day of the Oath of the Peach Garden.

In my previous ninety-nine attempts, I followed the rules, upheld benevolence and righteousness, and went through thick and thin with Big Brother. The result? Second Brother was defeated at Maicheng, Third Brother was beheaded in Langzhong, and Big Brother died with regrets in Baidi City!

To hell with restoring the Han! To hell with benevolence and morality!

In this life, I've bound myself to the [Extreme Bandit System]. If reason doesn't work, I'll be a mad dog that protects its own!

From then on, the Three Kingdoms went completely off the rails.

Lü Bu challenges us arrogantly? I lead out my sweet, delicate wife, who's too frail to do anything for herself. She waves her little hand, and thunder crashes from the heavens! I slap Lü Bu so hard his teeth fly out: "So you're the one they call peerless under heaven?"

Liu Bei complains that he has no soldiers or provisions, so every day I haul cartloads of silver and gold I've looted from the great clans and dump them in front of him.

Liu Bei swallows hard. "Fourth Brother, aren't we a righteous army?"

I grin wickedly. "Big Brother, if we rob Cao Cao's military pay and hand it out to the people, isn't that the greatest act of righteousness?"