Don’t Laugh, or You’ll Die

If you laugh, you die. This isn't a joke: a twenty-second video infected ninety percent of the country in three days. See someone else laugh, and you'll start laughing too. You can't stop. Your mouth stretches from ear to ear, blood seeps from your ears, and you laugh until you die.

Out of 1.4 billion people, I'm the only one who can't laugh.

So they locked me in a psychiatric hospital. They planted an eye in the palm of my hand. It can talk, eat memories, and use my dying mother's voice to trick me. To save my little sister, I signed a fourteen-day contract of servitude. Then they fished another little sister out of the hospital's third basement. She looks exactly like my sister, is barefoot, and has started growing teeth. Crouching in the corner, she asked me, "If she leaves, will you still take care of me?"

I said, "A spare means someone who's always there."

Now I have two little sisters to save. Everyone says I'm the cure. I'm just a damn delivery guy. Don't talk to me about saving the world. Give me back my sister, and I'll be able to live.