Naruto: Blind Massage and Cupping, Draining the Nine-Tails Dry

I transmigrated as a blind Uchiha orphan. To survive the Night of the Clan's Downfall, I was forced to bind myself to the [All Things Deduction Simulator] and fight for my life!

I kept a low profile in Konoha, running a massage parlor for three years. Using deduction to turn scrapped ideas into dozens of god-tier secret identities, I stirred up a storm. As long as the entire shinobi world was shocked and terrified, I could earn unlimited coins!

I only wanted to be a law-abiding, money-grubbing blind masseur, but then a sky screen appeared out of nowhere, forcing the release of a countdown of the “Ten Greatest Masterminds in the Shinobi World”!

The number ten is revealed: a blind swordmaster who slays gods, smashing Susanoo with a broken wooden stick. The entire shinobi world goes mad with fear, and Uchiha Itachi is left reeling. What the hell, this is one of the scrapped alt accounts I sent out to beg for food?!

The number nine is revealed: an absolute thug who kicked apart Planetary Devastation. At this very moment, he's kneeling on one knee outside my massage parlor, calling me master on a livestream watched by the whole world. Shimura Danzō is so scared he wets himself!

What do you mean, cupping therapy that drains the Kamui Dimension dry? What do you mean, quantum medicated oil that erases Root operatives into quantum states? Even Kaguya Otsutsuki would have to lie on my invincible massage bed while I forcibly seal her chakra!

“I'm just a blind foot masseur. Why are all you Kage-level powerhouses kneeling?”