I Just Ate Two Devil Fruits, So Why Are the Five Elders Freaking Out?

First, the good news: I transmigrated to the world of One Piece and got an outrageously powerful golden finger.

Now for the bad news: to grow stronger, this golden finger requires me to get myself killed in all kinds of spectacular ways.

The worse news: I discovered I'm actually pretty good at it.

On day one, I bought a newspaper and called the Celestial Dragons pigs on the front page.

Result: Saint Charlos spontaneously exploded on the spot in Mary Geoise, bursting into a blood-red firework.

On day two, I drank a bottle of deadly poison right in front of the Marines.

Result: Marine Captain Morton collapsed, bleeding from every orifice, while thirty soldiers fell collectively silent.

On day three, I stuffed a hundred cigars into my mouth and took a huge puff.

Result: Logia user Smoker suffered nicotine poisoning, dropped to one knee, and retched up gray-black phlegm.

The Marine Headquarters issued an emergency notice: "All personnel are forbidden from feeling any negative emotions toward Shuluo!"

The Five Elders gave their orders: "No anger! No contempt! No killing intent!"

The world's strongest had all learned one thing:

When you see Shuluo, smile, turn around, and leave quickly.

Whatever you do, don't hate him.

Because the grass is already three meters tall on the graves of those who do.

Shuluo: (pulling out a bottle of poison) "Don't go. I haven't even started the show yet."

Everyone: "...We're out of here!!!"