Warhammer: I Am a Salamander, Arriving in America

My name is Jason, and I used to be a programmer at a major tech company.

I went bankrupt and hid in the New York sewers, waiting to die.

Then I met a boy who called himself a Salamander.

He could craft a thunder hammer with his bare hands, powerful enough to smash through concrete. He also told us, “You aren't at the end of your rope because you're useless. It's because Chaos is invading this world.”

I didn't know what Chaos was, but he taught us how to survive in the wilderness and how to fight hand to hand. One late night, he even let me witness the faint glow of the Emperor's statue.

“The Emperor is both god and man,” he said. “Humanity is like water, unstoppable. We must guide it where it belongs, and use a flood's force to wash Chaos away.”

Now he plans to lead us out of the sewers, arrange legal adoptions, register a church, wipe out the forces of Chaos, and bring the world back to a golden age.

Also known as: “An Eight-Year-Old Salamander's Guide to Fighting Crime in New York,” “Building a Thunder Hammer from Scratch in the Sewers and Fighting Our Way Across North America,” and “The Boy Who Was Like a Father”