Open Your Eyes to the World? No! Help!

(Made entirely by hand, slowly and without AI. I'm just getting old and don't know how to use it!) Open your eyes and see the world! You'll discover all kinds of new scenery and local customs. But don't open both eyes at once. It's best to open just one, because you can keep the other shut to take a loving punch from your wife! "Boohoohoo, I can't live like this!" Chang Wei sobs alone in the village threshing ground in the middle of the night. A dozen young guys sneaking out to date in secret hear the village chief's tearful lament and shake their heads in sympathy. "Chief, at least you're married! I'm already 21 and still don't have a girlfriend. I've got it worse!" "That's right, Chief. There are so many single girls in our village. Help us figure something out!" Chang Wei wipes away a tear, looks at the growing crowd of young women before him, lights a cigarette, takes a deep drag, and pats them on the head. "Don't worry. The chief will bring you boys, one way or another. If we can't kidnap them, we'll trick them!" Who could be more devoted and foolish than our fellow men? He looks up at the bright starry sky. It's time to bring in some fine domestic bloodlines and give the Slavs a proper makeover!