The Royal Funeral Shop: Old Zhu Came to Buy a Coffin from Me

After transmigrating to the twenty-fifth year of the Hongwu reign of the Ming dynasty, Zhu Gaoxi became the fourth son of Prince of Yan Zhu Di, who had been missing for twelve years. Bound to the Supreme Funeral System, he could earn invincible, cultivation-level rewards simply by handling funerals. To farm rewards, he opened a shop in the capital called Red Dust Funeral Parlor. With a wildly reworked suona rendition of “A Thousand Miles Away,” he made the officials at court weep themselves blind. Along the way, he also took in a sickly, amnesiac child as an apprentice. Then one day, a stubborn old man calling himself “Old Huang” came to shelter from the rain, accompanied by a hot-tempered fellow known as “Old Lan.” Zhu Gaoxi saw right through them and solemnly pitched his wares: “Old Huang, your brow looks dark. A major funeral is surely in your near future. How about our Nine-Dragon Supreme Emperor’s Coffin? Buy one, get one free!” Old Lan flew into a rage and reached for his sword, but Zhu Gaoxi pinned him into the flagstones with one finger. He couldn’t even pry himself loose. Old Huang drew a sharp breath and trembled from head to toe. But when he turned and saw the apprentice peeking out from behind Zhu Gaoxi, his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Old Huang screamed inwardly, “Isn’t that our good grandson, Crown Prince Zhu Xiongying, the one who supposedly died in infancy?!” Looking at the funeral parlor owner, whom even his own father, Zhu Yuanzhang, desperately tried to curry favor with, and whom every official at court begged to ascend the throne, Zhu Di was utterly confused. He asked cautiously, “Fourth Son, tell your father honestly: do you want the throne or not?” Zhu Gaoxi casually picked up a handful of glittering gold joss paper and scattered it into the air, his face full of disdain. “I’ve even sent the Jade Emperor off. What’s an earthly throne to me? Not even a dog would take it.” “You want it, Father? Fine. Tonight I’ll bury everyone who opposes you!”