Football: The Most Embarrassing Striker, Sir Alex Begs Me to Shut Up

System-powered wish fulfillment + invincible comedy + Manchester United from the start + relentless face-slapping

In 2010, Su Ze was a “five-out-of-ten wastrel” in Manchester United’s youth academy, fragile enough to crumble at a touch.

Just as he was about to be shown the door, his ridiculous System awakened. Completing all kinds of mortifying, socially devastating missions would earn him the [Causality-Bending Skill], which guaranteed a goal every time!

The price: the System permanently imposed the passive skill [Truth Serum]. From then on, he could never lie or make polite small talk, and could only blurt out the truth!

From that moment on, the whole world of football went completely off the rails...

At kickoff, he sat cross-legged in the center circle to meditate, leaving the whole stadium stunned.

After scoring a last-minute winner against Chelsea, he lifted his shirt to reveal pink lace lingerie. Terry completely lost it on the spot!

Against Liverpool, he grabbed Dalglish in a tight embrace. After the match, he admitted, “I just wanted to find out what brand of cologne he wears.”

Against Arsenal, he knelt down in front of Wenger and begged him to sign him, shouting, “Manchester United is too broke, Professor, save me!”

Su Ze thought to himself: “System, can you act like a decent person? I just want to keep my skills. I don’t want to run around naked!”

But the whole world completely misunderstood him!

Ferguson was moved to tears: “He’s a master of psychological warfare! The new king of my Red Devils!”

Balotelli became an obsessed fan: “He’s the only one who understands my performance art. He’s my soulmate!”

The world’s media bowed down in worship: “He’s a football philosopher who scorns capital and has seen through the mortal world!”

This is the hilarious legend of a man who was terrified inside but had no limits when it came to mouthing off, single-handedly making the entire football world collectively lose IQ!