Zog, a trainee observer from an advanced civilization in the Milky Way's third spiral arm, is ordered to go undercover on Earth.
On his first day after landing, he sends an SSS-level, highest-priority red alert to his home planet in terror:
"Warning! Immediately halt all colonization plans for Earth! This is an extremely dangerous, indescribable horror civilization!"
That's because, in Zog's eyes, the human he's observing, overworked wage slave Li Jianjian, spends every day engaged in spine-chilling cultivation and sacrificial rituals:
Every morning, Li Jianjian drinks a cup of bitter black poison (an Americano) to break the seal on his body;
Then he plunges into a high-density body-compression experiment called the "morning rush subway," demonstrating humanity's terrifying ability to withstand pressure;
At the office, he sits bolt upright for more than ten hours in front of a glowing matrix box (a computer), frantically tapping out incantations and sacrificing his life force to an evil god called "the Internet";
Worst of all, Earth's true ruling class is actually the four-legged, furry beasts (dogs)! Humans are so lowly that they lead these creatures around to patrol their territory every day, and even have to collect their biological waste by hand!
One day, Zog sees with his own eyes as Li Jianjian uses a red, cylindrical sacred relic called a "ham sausage" to instantly strip a beast of its free will, making it sit obediently and wag its tail in supplication.
An interstellar inspection team descends on Earth to get to the bottom of things, only to be cowed by the red armbands of the neighborhood committee aunties and cornered by a robot vacuum;
When a meticulous alien observer meets an overworked Earth wage slave, the entire Milky Way's tone goes completely off the rails.
