Retired War God, Subduing Global Horrors

He was once the supreme God of War, codenamed Yama, who held the power of life and death over the global underworld and was so formidable that every faction lay awake at night in fear. Now he has given it all up. He only wants to open a teahouse on an old street in Yuncheng, take life easy, and decide which instant noodles to eat each day. But there are always fools who insist on kicking this lazy fish. A swaggering rich young master blocks the door and taunts him: “A guy who runs some lousy teahouse thinks he can compete with me for a woman?” Lin Yuan can’t even be bothered to raise his eyelids. With a casual flick of his hand, a pair of disposable bamboo chopsticks pierces a multimillion-dollar supercar like a missile. The world’s top assassin sneaks in, aiming his gun at Lin Yuan as he lounges in the sun. Yawning, Lin Yuan casually blocks the shot with a fork from his instant noodles. The bullet flies right back and buries itself in the assassin’s brow. His old nemesis returns, shouting from beyond the nation’s borders: “Yama is finished! Today, we’ll avenge our humiliation!” That day, global satellites captured a lazy figure stretching as he rose into the sky above Yuncheng’s old streets, then sneezed toward foreign shores. Then half an enemy base was “sneezed” off the map. The world’s leaders fell silent and hurriedly revised the highest-threat dossier: 【Codename: Yama. Current status: Deeply committed to doing nothing. Threat level: ∞. Survival advice: Don’t go to Yuncheng. Don’t provoke that lazy fish.】 Lin Yuan watched the news, sighed, and went back to studying the instant noodle flavors in his hands. “Man, I just want to be a quiet, lazy fish. Why is that so hard?”