Basketball: I Put Up a 0-Point Triple-Double, and Jordan Begs Me to Score

On the most absurd statistical leaderboard in basketball history, Lin Feng’s name is rewriting the rules themselves. After transmigrating into the 1996 draft class, Lin Feng was selected 19th overall by the Knicks and bound to the strangest System in history: Every point scored reduces his energy by 1, and lowers his rebounding success rate by 10%! Every rebound grabbed adds 1 energy, and earns him at least $10,000, with no upper limit! And so the NBA got the most maddening player opponents had ever faced, the one who made teammates ecstatic, and the 0-point monster who had Jordan personally come to him and ask, “Could you score two points, please?” In Game 7 of the Finals, Lin Feng put up 0 points, 42 rebounds, 18 assists, and 12 blocks. With 0.7 seconds left, Jordan missed an open game-winning shot. Lin Feng grabbed the rebound over Duncan, and the game was over. Phil Jackson lost his temper after the game and roared, “I’d rather have Jordan score zero than see Lin Feng standing under the basket!” Ewing said through tears, “I even passed up open layups just to box out for Lin Feng.” Jordan gritted his teeth. “I personally taught him the fadeaway, and all he said was, ‘If I learn it, I’ll lose energy.’” Kobe called in the middle of the night. “Bro, just score one point. I’ll never say you can’t play offense again.” Shaq looked up at the sky and sighed. “At 300 pounds, I still can’t box out a man who doesn’t want to score.” In Lin Feng’s final game, all the opposing players stood still and watched him make the first dunk of his life. His 0 points and 20 rebounds became 2 points and 20 rebounds, and the entire arena rose to its feet, applauding for 20 minutes. Jordan charged from the stands onto the court and hugged him, weeping uncontrollably. “You finally scored! I’ve waited 20 years for this!”