Just Arrived in the Ming Dynasty, and the Chongzhen Emperor Begged Me to Sell Him Weapons

The seventeenth year of the Chongzhen reign, beneath the crooked-neck tree on Coal Hill. Zhu Youjian tearfully untied his belt, preparing to give his life for his country. Suddenly, a deafening boom! A steel fortress plummeted from the sky and landed beside the crooked-neck tree, stunning the Ming emperor where he stood. The fortress gates swung open. Chu Fan, holding an ice-cold cola, looked at him with disdain. “Hey, Old Zhu, want to come inside and hide for a while? Admission is ten taels of gold.” He looked at Li Zicheng’s army, fierce as wolves and tigers, massed below the hill, then at the Gatling gun’s dark muzzle behind Chu Fan. Zhu Youjian wiped away his tears and gritted his teeth as he pulled out his private savings. “I’ll buy! I’ll buy the whole lot! Gun them all down for me!” From then on, the Ming dynasty took a very different turn. Li Zicheng: “I thought the Ming army was supposed to be no match for us! What the hell are those missiles falling from the sky?” Dorgon: “Why was the Qing born when Chu was already here? We can’t even pierce those steel tanks!” Years later, when the Ming fleet’s aircraft carriers sailed into the Thames, Zhu Youjian stood on deck, full of confidence. “Sir, don’t you think this Earth... might be a little too small?”