Celestial Master, Your Family’s Ancestral Tomb Just Exploded

I’m Jiang Shi, the ninety-ninth-generation heir of the Sanqing Temple. My main job is slacking off; my side gig is fortune-telling. Most days, I get by with a silver tongue, conning... ahem, winning over wealthy clients from all walks of life.

Then one day, a globally limited-edition Maybach pulled up outside my leaky Three-Inch Hall.

A tycoon who looked like life had squeezed every last drop out of him stepped out and tremulously handed me a ten-million-yuan check. “Master, save my whole family’s sorry hides!”

I made a quick calculation. Good grief, it wasn’t just that his ancestral grave was glowing with good fortune. It was doing a full-on dance party, and wanted to drag his whole family into it.

When business comes knocking, there’s no reason to turn it away.

But can someone tell me why the prestigious Bai feng shui family keeps making trouble for me?

Why is the thing sealed inside this tomb not a zongzi, but a hungry, squalling... living creature?

And more absurdly, why is the icy heir of the Bai family, my sworn enemy, looking at me more and more strangely?

Young Master Bai: “Jiang Shi, do you have any idea what a huge mess you’ve made?”

Me, munching on sunflower seeds: “Sure do. But isn’t this mess adorable? Look, it even knows how to call me Mom.”

Everyone: “...”

That’s it. This celestial master has lost it, and the planet’s about to be doomed.