Protected by On-Screen Comments: I Roast My Way to Immortality

I transmigrated into a cultivation novel where every character is evil, and now I share the comment feed's script with the readers. So when the widely revered senior brother, the radiant Xie Qingxuan, spoke to me with gentle concern, the comments I saw read: [Here comes the comforting speech!] [There's Soul-Eating Gu in that bowl!] [He's assessing the spiritual energy saturation of your organs!] In the original story, I was supposed to die taking a sword for him. Instead, I grabbed the leg of the future Demon Venerable beside me. “Boss! Your brow is dark. You'll suffer a bloody disaster in three months! Hire me, and I'll make sure it never happens!” Xie Qingxuan smiled as he watched me make a scene, even pleading on my behalf. The comments exploded: [He's raising a Gu!] [You've been marked as an 'interesting unstable factor'!] I knew that from the moment I flipped the table, my future oddball teammates and I had become the “saint's” most fascinating specimens to observe and harvest...