Please Stop Imagining Things, I'm Really a Bandit King!

Gu An transmigrates to the eighth year of the Zhenguan era and becomes Li Shimin’s sworn younger brother. From the start, he binds himself to the Civilization Crusher System.

All he has to do is lead members of the Tang imperial family into bad habits and bring the dynasty to ruin, and he’ll ascend straight back to the modern world!

So, faced with princes hungry for knowledge, Gu An begins his tireless campaign of malicious instruction:

To Crown Prince Li Chengqian, Gu An tosses an abacus: “What’s so great about being emperor? Go into business! Get rich! Stuff all the money in the world into your own pockets!”

His intention is to make the crown prince obsessed with money and neglect the affairs of state.

The result: Li Chengqian grasps the essence of economic warfare, bankrupts the Turks without shedding a drop of blood, and fills the Tang treasury to bursting. He is hailed as the **“God of Wealth for All Ages”**!

To Prince Li Tai, Gu An points at the bed: “Hard work is pointless. The answer is to lie flat! If someone else can do the work, never lift a finger yourself!”

His intention is to turn him into a good-for-nothing who does nothing but freeload.

The result: To avoid working, Li Tai invents the steam engine and automated production lines, ushering in the Tang dynasty’s industrial revolution!

To Prince Li Ke, Gu An hands him a torch: “Reasoning is useless. Truth lies only within firing range! Blow things up! Crush them all!”

His intention is to raise a warmonger who will drain the empire with endless wars.

The result: Li Ke establishes the Tang Firearms Corps, sweeps across Europe, Asia, and Africa, and expands the Tang realm tenfold!

Years later, as envoys from every nation arrive to pay tribute, Li Shimin clasps Gu An’s hands, tears in his eyes:

“Second Brother, you raised a whole generation of prodigies for the Tang! This is the golden age you dreamed of! I’ve decided to make you a prince who ranks alongside the emperor!”

Watching his lifespan tick down and the progress bar for returning home refuse to budge, Gu An collapses beside the throne, close to tears:

“Stop! Don’t promote me any higher! I really am a treacherous minister! Please, just hurry up and execute me!”