Great Ming: Player Called Grandpa, Put Some Clothes On

[Great Ming] [System] [Absurd Comedy] [Wild Imagination] [The Fourth Calamity] Reborn as Zhu Youjian, the Prince of Xin of the Great Ming, I had just unlocked a system and thought heaven had sent me divine reinforcements. Instead, I got a bunch of social menaces! Player ID “Grandpa’s Right Here” went bare-chested, carrying logs on his shoulder, and asked where the BOSS was as soon as he arrived. He grinned even after dying ten thousand times. Player ID “Grab a Bucket and Run,” a civil engineering PhD, set about renovating the Forbidden City online. Player ID “A Hundred Paces, One Bullseye” tore down the palace’s main beams to make bows, just to rack up headshots. The rebel army is attacking the city? Newbie players wailed, “A siege battle from the start, with full pain settings? This is hardcore!” A veteran player simply hefted a bucket of boiling night soil. “Boil it and pour it on them! A true hero deserves a piping-hot drink!” They charged while scattering lime powder and stepping on traps. Their motto was to fight dirty. The Eight Banners cavalry is heading south? Players charged into their ranks with firecrackers. “I’ve got the title of Number One Under Heaven! Blowing Dorgon to smithereens is a bargain!” Short on food and medicine? They dug wells, farmed, and brewed strong liquor, then even turned night soil into a “specialty beverage” to present as tribute. Watching these players, who wore no armor, couldn’t be killed, and only got more excited the harder they were hit, Dorgon broke down and wailed, “This battle is impossible! They aren’t even wearing clothes!” Drenched in night soil, he jumped around cursing, “You’re brewing wine with shit, fine, but why won’t you die?” Zhu Youjian helplessly called for them to stop. “No using night soil as a biological weapon! And my dragon throne is not a shield!” Meanwhile, the corners of his mouth kept twitching upward. “What lunatics? These are all my adorable leek… I mean, peerless warriors!” When the players hefted buckets of night soil and carried firecrackers, shouting, “Charge for the title!” as they crushed the Eight Banners’ camp, Zhu Youjian stood atop the city wall and laughed wildly. “My players have restored the glory of the Great Ming with their outrageous tactics!”