I Owe You a Hug, in This Life and the Next

Dear Mr. Liu Shui, it's not that I have never looked for you in the past, or that there are too few in the world, but that among all living beings, you are the man I admire most in my life! Not one. I don't have the confidence to find your replacement. Even if a more graceful "him" appears in my life, I'm not interested. I don't admire anyone except you! I didn't say this casually, Mr. Liushui, you should understand me. Does my desecrated soul and dirty body still have the qualifications to dream about divine love? You won't have it in this life and you don't deserve it? Is there really an afterlife?