Help! The Qing County Magistrate Is Forcing Me to Become Emperor

Kangxi, rebellion, farming, System, dark humor, Di Hua-style wishful thinking

: Everyone's a villain (not really), officials force the people to rebel (literally), bald rebels versus queue-wearing Qing soldiers

After transmigrating to the twelfth year of the Kangxi era, Zhu Yan becomes the crown prince of the "Three-Revivals Ming Dynasty."

He thinks he's gotten an unbeatable start, but as soon as he arrives, he hears devastating news:

His father, "Emperor of Heaven's Mandate" Zhu Tiezhu, has died in the palace (his own outhouse), slipping on the floor after hearing Qing soldiers fire their cannons!

Faced with Qing soldiers at the gates, Zhu Yan touches his head, freshly shaved bald by his cheap father, and looks at the ragtag crew filling the room:

The chancellor is a spineless coward who grovels faster than anyone.

The general is a bandit chief who only knows how to butcher pigs.

The empress dowager's only skills are cursing people out and guarding her food.

Zhu Yan: "I'm tired. Let it all burn. Whoever wants to be crown prince can have it. I'm growing a queue and becoming a compliant subject!"

But Wu Zhirong, a seventh-rank Qing county magistrate leading the siege, kicks the door open and looks at him with exasperation:

"Your Highness! How can you surrender? You need to get back on your feet!"

"No money? I'll sponsor you fifty taels!"

"No proclamation? I've polished one for you. It insults them something fierce!"

"No territory? The magistrate of neighboring Yong'an County is my sworn enemy. Go cause trouble there, and make it big!"

Zhu Yan is stunned. "Bro, aren't you the real rebel here?!"

Wu Zhirong: "I'm just trying to boost my record and get rid of a colleague while I'm at it. Remember, do a good job. My red-topped hat depends on you!"

And so, with enemy-funded seed money and a gleaming bald head, Zhu Yan is forced down a path of "revival" that leaves even the great Kangxi Emperor tearing his hair out.