I Just Came to Steal a Chicken, So How Did I Become an Immortal on the Spot?

I'm Hu Xiaocui, a proper red fox cultivating in the Changbai Mountains. Why did I become an immortal? Ah, don't ask! I was starving that day and went to the village to “borrow” a chicken in advance. But I failed to steal one and nearly set the whole village on fire! I rolled around and managed to put it out. Guess what happened next? A loud “ding-dong” rang out in the sky, and a booming voice with a thick Northeastern accent announced that my merit was maxed out and I'd ascended on the spot! I figured Heaven had to be full of celestial light, with all the immortals acting aloof and mysterious. But when I got to the Southern Gate of Heaven, the guard took one look at me standing there and blurted, “Well, look at that, a new recruit! What are you standing around for? Get over here and sign in!” My heart went ice-cold. How did the immortals break character even faster than my chicken-stealing plan fell apart? Once I arrived, I found out that all these immortals look cold and high-minded, but the moment they open their mouths, it's all over! The Old Man of the Moon grabs his red thread and chats away: “Hey, girl, your love line's twisted up like a pretzel. Uncle will straighten it out for you, okay?” After finishing a batch of pills, Laozi asks with his hands tucked into his sleeves, “Want to try some of my brand-new, top-notch Qi-restoring pills? They work like a charm!” Even Erlang Shen, the most handsome of them all, blurts out when he's mad, “What are you looking at? Keep staring and I'll sic my dog on you!” Now I'm leading this bunch of immortals with their Northeastern accents all over the Three Realms. The Demon Realm is invading? Don't panic. First, get everyone together for a chat. There's no problem a barbecue can't solve! So, what do you think is going on in Heaven? I can't make heads or tails of it either! But I do know that here, you don't need to put on airs or pretend to be someone you're not. Living honestly and openly, that's the best cultivation of all.