Journey to the West: Xuanzang? I'm Lu Zhishen!

“What’s Buddha to me? And the Jade Emperor can go to hell! I’m going on this pilgrimage under just three rules: First, I won’t give up wine or meat. Second, I won’t refrain from killing. Third, I won’t let gods and Buddhas boss me around!” “Barehanded, I killed a tiger at Shuangcha Ridge, and Taibai Jinxing came to save me?” “Get lost! I can handle it myself!” A reincarnation of the Golden Cicada? The imperial brother Tripitaka? Wrong! I’m the Mad Monk Lu Zhishen, who killed Zhen Guanxi with three punches and uprooted a willow tree! I woke up as Tang Sanzang, saw boiled vegetables in clear water, and flipped the table in my meditation room. “No wine, no meat? What the hell am I supposed to go on a pilgrimage for?” I mouth off to Wei Zheng in the imperial palace and score fine wine and cooked beef. Then I bend a tin staff in front of the city gates and force the Tang king to replace it with an iron staff. I smash the Tathagata's talisman at Five Elements Mountain and free Sun Wukong. “Monkey, come with me. That headband spell? Toss it!” I beat up the Jade Dragon at Eagle Sorrow Ravine, and Guanyin tries to make him my mount? “You insolent Bodhisattva! Try ordering me around again, and I’ll knock your lotus throne over with my staff!” When the brawny monk sets off west carrying a sixty-two-jin staff, the gods and Buddhas are stunned: how is this pilgrimage party more rowdy than the demons? Sun Wukong: “Master, there’s a demon up ahead!” Lu Zhishen swings his staff. “Perfect! We’ll roast demon meat for our drinks tonight!” See how this Mad Monk turns the Journey to the West upside down and throws the Buddhist world of Spirit Mountain into utter chaos!