Good news: I’ve transmigrated and become emperor!
Bad news: I’m a puppet, and I’m about to be killed.
Even worse news: The enemy army has already stormed the city!
The powerful minister Zhao Gao smacks an imperial edict in my face. “Useless fool, sign it!”
I rip the edict to shreds and kick him to the ground. “Who do you think you are?”
Zhao Gao draws his sword, and the entire court thinks I’m done for.
The result: I take one man out with an inkstone, then stab Zhao Gao through with a blade. His dying eyes are full of one thought: “What the hell?”
Three thousand barbarian cavalry charge into the city, and my loyal ministers cry for me to run.
I put on my armor and mount my horse. “What’s there to panic about? Come with me and have a good slaughter!”
The barbarian general laughs wildly, thinking I’ve come to die.
The result: Two volleys of arrows wipe out his entire army, and I twist his head off in a one-on-one fight.
(Internal monologue: Seriously, how is being emperor more exhausting than being a project manager? Can’t a man get a moment to slack off?)
Just as I’m about to enjoy the life of an emperor...
“Urgent report! A mighty warrior named Li Cunxiao is waiting outside the palace, insisting on pledging his allegiance to you!”
Me: “...Fine. Looks like I’m pulling overtime for good!”
