A Guide to Raising National Treasure Artifact Spirits

Welcome to The Qiling Pavilion’s Guide to Raising National Treasure Artifact Spirits. Here is the tearful “raising old-timers” handbook compiled by the new Pavilion Master, Song Lüzhu: Core rule: Recover the national treasures and take full responsibility for raising them along the way. Current members: Yueying (Han Dynasty light-transmitting mirror): Precision instrument. Keep it clean. Proud and aloof, fond of looking down on others and delivering sudden, savage verbal attacks. Those with thin skin should approach with caution. Lianjin (Song Dynasty blue-and-white gold-repaired cup): Fragile. Handle with care. A gentle and refined gentleman, skilled at making tea and cooking, but must be supervised at all times to prevent food poisoning. Baijiu (Shang Dynasty? sacrificial bone artifact): Best admired from afar. Anyone lacking yang energy should stay away. A Miao youth from southern Xinjiang with different-colored eyes. Ask the new Pavilion Master if you can’t understand him. A secret glutton with a knack for sensing things. If he says you’re sick, you’d better go straight to the hospital. Important notice: The pavilion’s membership is growing. When the foreign berserker’s dagger goes on a rampage, calm it down with a sweet little strawberry-topped cake. When the melancholy scholar’s guqin gets emo, remember to put on your headphones. When the steadfast compass goes out, make sure it has an escort. It’s hopelessly directionally challenged and will stubbornly blame the navigation system. When the exquisite lovers’ lock arrives, identify it correctly at once. The split-personality twin brothers hate being mistaken for each other. The older brother is Lingzhu, and the younger brother is Mozhu. You really don’t want to see them throw a fit. One last reminder: The Pavilion Master’s foremost responsibility is to recover lost cultural relics and hand them over to the state!