Welcome to the Underworld News Broadcast

I thought death would let me enjoy the legendary peace and quiet. But what did I get? The Meng Po soup came from a vending machine, and it was probably expired. It tasted like watered-down Banlangen, and worked about as well as a can of Red Bull. Aside from giving me a bit of an urge to run to the bathroom, I remembered every detail of my past life. Then I was stopped by a judge wearing a suit under an ancient official's robe, with a tablet computer in his hand. “Li Goudan, your allotted lifespan isn't over, but your body is destroyed, so you can't go back. I see you were a level-ten internet surfer in life, well-versed in meme culture, and a master of snark. The Underworld News Broadcast is short of a lively new anchor, so the job's yours.” The judge didn't even look up as his fingers flew across the tablet. “Room and board included. No five social insurances or housing fund, but you get underworld merit points. Save up enough, and you can get priority when reincarnating into a rich family. Your KPIs are viewership and audience ‘thought power,’ roughly equivalent to collecting likes and shares in the mortal world. If that sounds good, sign this Underworld Employment Contract.” From then on, I was on the front lines of every juicy bit of gossip, as historical figures from every dynasty got into brawls. Li Bai got fined for drunk driving. Qin Shi Huang got into a fight. Qin Hui got beaten up by a crowd... Welcome to the Underworld Celebrity Series.