In the top-floor office of the Shanghai World Financial Center, Lin Yanzhou was a rising business star in the eyes of outsiders, a man who could turn the tide with a wave of his hand. His net profits climbed month after month, and the luxury watch on his wrist made his suit look even sharper. But only he knew that a piece of his heart had been hollowed out.
Three years ago, in a torrential downpour, the words “late-stage leukemia” on an emergency room diagnosis shattered every future he and Su Wan might have had. Back then, he was still struggling to get his startup off the ground. She clutched the wages she had saved and told him, “We can start over.” She made instant coffee in a crooked teddy-bear mug and waited up for him until late at night, smiling as she said, “It’s okay if we never see the northern lights. As long as I have you.” But he was busy chasing the illusion of being able to give her “a better life.” Even when she last said, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t stay with you until the end,” he couldn’t bring himself to hold her properly.
Now he had everything he had once wanted: a mansion in Jing’an District, a cafe across the river with a new sign, a mother who kept arranging blind dates, and a secretary who carefully avoided the moments when he stared blankly at the moon. He had a star-shaped necklace custom-made with a strand of her hair inside. Her white dress, still scented with gardenias, remained in his wardrobe. But he could never again find the girl who would hold a clear umbrella in the rain and smile as she waved to him.
No matter how brightly the neon lights shine, they cannot illuminate a road home without her. No matter how big the world is, it cannot fill the emptiness left by losing her. Lin Yanzhou walks forward through the neon-lit world of fame and fortune, forever carrying in his arms the promise of an Icelandic aurora trip they never got to take, and the words hidden in his heart that he will never get the chance to say: “I miss you so much.”
