Honghuang: Don’t Rush, Let Me Call Someone First

Let me start with the conclusion: I’m Lin Yuan, the Primordial World’s greatest professional victim, and I specialize in becoming a benefactor to the big shots. Scene one: The Heavenly Court is about to execute me. I mutter, “I once gave Brother Monkey some peaches.” Result: Sun Wukong smashes through the South Heaven Gate with his staff and roars at the Jade Emperor, “Who dares touch my benefactor!” Jade Emperor: “???” Scene two: The Buddhist sect is going to save me by force. I sigh. “Back in the day, I helped create Nezha’s lotus incarnation.” Result: The Great Deity of the Three Altars and Seas rides his Wind Fire Wheels, spear pointed at Spirit Mountain. “Baldies, you’re asking for death!” Tathagata: “…” (What I’m thinking: These big shots are so easy to handle. I mean, so grateful!) Now, the Heavenly Court’s God of War, Yang Jian, is charging at me with a blade. I’m trying to figure out what to say this time… Maybe that I’m his long-lost older brother, Yang Jiao?