Journey to the West: The Tathagata Is Dumbfounded, the Monkey Has Been Switched

I became that damnable immortal stone on Flower-Fruit Mountain. I was supposed to wait until a monkey was born from me, but instead I “came to life” a billion years early!

Then I heard the most shocking piece of gossip ever:

What the hell! So Sun Wukong wasn’t “born of Heaven” at all? He was just a tool monkey the Heavenly Court and the Western Heaven used to entrap the demon clan?!

I’m a dignified immortal stone. Was I really supposed to give birth to a “son” for their conspiracy? No way. I refuse to give birth!

The monkey’s destiny? Hand it over! I’m taking all of it!

As the Jade Emperor and the Tathagata stared in bafflement, I burst out of the stone with a swagger and tore the Journey to the West script to shreds!

A great calamity? That’s just a fast track to freeloading on fortune and ascending to the heavens!

I thought it would be Havoc in Heaven, but it turned into “The Immortal Stone Wreaks Havoc Across the Three Realms”!

Now the whole Three Realms is asking: Where’s that monkey? How did the stone run off on its own?

Heh, it doesn’t matter whether the monkey’s around. What matters is that I’m here to rule!

Looking for the same old Journey to the West? Sorry, all you’ll find here is a stone spirit defying fate and rewriting its destiny!