Kong Rong, the weakest warlord in the history of the Three Kingdoms, was actually a modern-day gearhead who got hit by a tractor and sent flying here.
On the outside: “The gentleman understands righteousness.”
On the inside: What good is righteousness? Can I trade it for Diao Chan?
In a desperate moment, Confucius, Kong Rong’s ancestor, is forced into action and transforms on the spot into a two-and-a-half-meter-tall, three-hundred-kilogram “muscle-bound sage”:
“How do you write the word ‘benevolence’? First, use your fist to write the character for ‘person,’ then add two strokes!”
And that’s not even the wildest part. The Beauty Favor System activates, and winning over famous beauties of the Three Kingdoms lets him exchange for ridiculously powerful items!
A concrete formula, improved gunpowder, even a Gatling gun (crossed out)... The entire technology tree is unlocked by his wives!
And so the Three Kingdoms takes a complete turn for the absurd:
From the start, he intercepts the young Zhao Yun at Changshan:
“Zilong, don’t be afraid! I’m not here to fight. I’m here to offer you an official position with benefits and a retirement plan!”
Zhao Yun, pupils shaking with realization: So when my lord says “win people over with virtue,” he means physical exorcism plus spiritual enlightenment!
After being punched into the air, Lü Bu cries, “I thought you said you’d win people over with virtue!”
Yue Lingxiao wipes the blood from his knuckles and smiles with scholarly grace. “You’ve been won over. Physically.”
In a nutshell: a hulking Confucian who pays lip service to benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom, and faithfulness, plans to collect every woman under heaven, knows little of Confucianism but a fair bit about throwing punches, and builds a harem and a mighty empire during the Three Kingdoms era in this hilarious tale!
How should I put it? The author wrote that Liu Hong died before the outbreak of the Yellow Turban Rebellion. It's not my cup of tea.