Reborn in 2020: I Take the Reins at Arsenal

In the summer transfer window of 2020, Gu Yanzhi, a die-hard Huaxia Arsenal fan, woke up from a drunken stupor to find himself the club’s new chairman. But what lay before him was a complete disaster: Arsenal had finished eighth in the Premier League, their worst result in forty years; the club had just 50 million pounds in the bank; captain Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang was demanding 250,000 pounds a week to force the club’s hand; and fans were blocking the gates in protest, holding signs that read, “We want grit, not a collapse.”

Gu Yanzhi’s moves left the whole Premier League in an uproar. He refused to renew Aubameyang’s contract and let him go, signed Barcelona’s “glass man” Ousmane Dembele for 32 million euros, then snapped up 19-year-old fringe midfielder Angel Gomes from Lille and even put him straight into the starting lineup. The Mirror mocked him: “An amateur fan is making a mess of things. Arsenal are heading for the Championship!”

On the opening day of the 2020–21 Premier League season, Arsenal were 2–0 down to Crystal Palace. From his box, Gu Yanzhi gave the order: “Dembele, cut in from the left! Gomes, make your runs at full tilt!” Thirty-three minutes later, Dembele had equalized with two long-range strikes, and Gomes scored a stoppage-time winner. For the first time, the North Bank erupted in cheers of “Boss Gu!”

In the 2021 League Cup final against Manchester United, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer sneered that Arsenal “couldn’t even field eleven players.” Gu Yanzhi put up a bonus and declared, “Show them how hard the people they look down on can fight!” Arsenal won 2–0, ending a 13-year trophy drought.

Now all of Europe is watching the winter transfer window. Who will this Huaxia boss, famed for turning stones into gold, rescue from being a good-for-nothing next?