Pick Four Rebels to Topple the Celestial Court

The moment he opened his eyes, Xiaren had transmigrated into Tang Sanzang’s body, with the “scripture-seeking mission card” Guanyin had just shoved at him still clutched in his hand. It came with three “assigned disciples”: Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Seng.

Xiaren tore up the card on the spot. “No way! Those three are Heaven’s surveillance devices. Whoever wants them can take them. I’m not putting up with this!”

As a modern man who knew Journey to the West inside out, he understood all too well: if he was going to seek the scriptures, he had to choose his own people!

Who should he pick? Obviously, the toughest rebels around!

Sun Wukong, who wreaked havoc in Heaven? “Brother Monkey, work with me. Tear up Heaven’s rules all you want!”

Yang Jian, who followed orders but not proclamations? “Erlang, come join me. You won’t have to worry about the Jade Emperor’s opinion!”

Nezha, who dared to burn the Dragon King’s temple? “Little Nezha, let me borrow your Fire-Tipped Spear. Maybe we can burn Heaven’s account books while we’re at it?”

Chenxiang, who split Mount Hua with one swing of his axe? “Chenxiang, come with me. Next time, let’s try splitting Spirit Mountain!”

The Jade Emperor was so furious he smashed his cup. “Xiaren! Every one of your picks is a wanted criminal in Heaven!”

Xiaren held up his brightly lit phone, the relic he’d brought from the modern world, and livestreamed from the Southern Gate of Heaven. “Sorry, my rebellious crew specializes in calling out the gods and Buddhas for their double standards!”

Sun Wukong shouldered his golden cudgel and kicked open a demon’s cave. “Master, this cave’s chief is too tough. Should we call Yang Jian over to help?”

Xiaren was busy munching on compressed biscuits he’d brought from the modern world. “Call him! Tell him to bring his Howling Celestial Dog, too, and have it fetch some of Heaven’s peaches for snacks while it’s at it.”

From then on, the road to the Western Heaven was no longer about a venerable monk seeking scriptures. It was Xiaren and four rebellious troublemakers

mocking the Buddha, cursing the Jade Emperor, snatching magical treasures, and exposing scandals. Nezha even took Guanyin’s Jade Vase to use as a flowerpot!

The Buddhist faction at Spirit Mountain begged through their tears, “Don’t come back! We’ll give you the scriptures!”