The Demon Realm’s Hustle Culture Is Driving the God King Crazy

I, Su Mo, open my eyes and find myself a cannon-fodder little Demon King in the demon realm! My territory is barren, the demons are slacking off, the succubi of the Abyss hold tea parties every day, and the three-headed hounds of Hell are too lazy even to guard the gates! The neighboring Demon King is about to annex us, and I'll be reduced to a slave! “You useless bunch! A disgrace! A disgrace to the company!” Faced with the rebelling demon generals, I roar, and the entire Demon King's Hall freezes in an instant. Every demon thinks I've gone mad! “Mandatory all-hands meeting!” “Starting today, we'll introduce KPI and OKR assessments! Working 996 is a blessing you've earned!” The moment I finish speaking, dead silence falls over the room. The rebel generals are dumbstruck, the demons who were slacking off are stunned. Has this new Demon King... had his brain fried by holy light? I slap a copy of "Up-or-Out" against the face of an ancient war demon. He is so terrified that he immediately hoists his scythe back onto his shoulder! I assign all the flirtatious succubi to the “Marketing Department,” where they'll specialize in turning angels against Heaven! I put the Abyssal trolls, who know nothing but fighting, in the “Engineering Department,” and have them build a hundred demonic energy reactors overnight! While other Demon Kings still rely on their own strength to intimidate their underlings, my “Demon Army” is armed to the teeth with “equity incentives” and a “wolf-like corporate culture”! The divine realm of Heaven is furious, and an army of a hundred thousand angels descends! The ironclad troops of the demon realm charge madly, shouting, “For our quarterly bonuses!” and “If we take Heaven, we can go public!” The God King reads the “Feasibility Report on Heaven's Strategic Acquisition and Full Listing,” which I present to him. With the holy sword in his hand, he falls completely silent: “I... I just wanted to fight a holy war. Why is he talking to me about business models and ecosystem integration?”