My Elementary School Life Can't Possibly Be This Mature

What kind of sparks will fly when a socially awkward, aimless junior college graduate fresh out of school, with every possible buff stacked against him, transmigrates back to third grade?

Little Spicy Strip (elementary school classmate): Kid, you're my idol. Please let me call you Dad.

Eternal Runner-Up (middle school classmate): Man, who understands what it's like to be under someone's thumb for three years?

Mom and Dad: Kid, why are you staring at yourself in the mirror again? Keep your shrimp a little smaller, and don't start dating so young.

Me (inner monologue): You're no genius. Seeing me is like a frog at the bottom of a well seeing the bright moon. If you're a genius, seeing me is like a mayfly gazing up at the heavens! Hahahahaha... 10,000 words omitted here.