A Hundred Million for Breaking Up? My Ex Won't Do It

I've read countless novels where the male leads suffer and die in the "chasing-your-wife-to-the-crematorium" trope. I always thought it was just a story. Then my ex-girlfriends, yes, "girlfriends," came back to find me in sports cars and private jets, with teams of lawyers and bodyguards in tow. That's when I realized that apparently, crematorium chases can go the other way, and even happen to a whole group at once? Help! I don't want to get burned!